Page 3 of Always Beth
I haven’t done anything and I’m not going to be able to do anything either. Why she’s thanking me, I don’t know. I wrap my arms around her and lift her until her tiptoes graze the floor, the same way I always have.
‘Come on, I need to unpack my things,’ I murmur into her hair, slowly releasing her grip from around me.
Pushing her hands into her pockets, she peers up at me and shrugs her shoulders. ‘We don’t have anything in for dinner.’
‘Takeout?’
She smiles in relief. ‘Thank god. I thought you were going to lecture me on healthy eating.’
‘After the amount of alcohol I consumed last night, I don’t think I’m in a position to be lecturing anyone, especially you.’
I slow as I reach the bedroom, it’s exactly as I remember and holds so many memories, especially for me and Lauren. Crashing backwards onto the bed, the mattress creaks underneath me and I wince as images from last night flood my brain. That’s it, no more women, especially not with these springs, the last thing I want is to be caught out. I sit abruptly at the sound of Lauren’s footsteps on the stairs and hold my breath as I wait for her to appear.
‘You’re not flaking on me already, are you? You’ve just got here. I’ve missed you.’
‘Sorry, last night was heavier than I expected. Give me an hour and I’ll be right as rain.’
‘You should take care of that liver of yours, you never know what’s around the corner.’
As soon as the words are out there, I drop my head in acknowledgement. She’s right, I need to look after myself more.
‘When does the chemotherapy start?’
‘Last week,’ she says finally.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I did.’
‘Shit. Lauren, I—’
‘James, all that matters is you’re here now.’
‘I am and I’m all in. I promise.’
Rolling her eyes, she waves takeout menus in the air as she wanders back down the stairs. A wave of emotion hits me, and I pin my eyes shut so tightly the pain passes straight to my chest. I run my hands frantically through my hair, trying to escape the pending conclusion we’re faced with.
This is it now.
I’m here and it’s real and it’s happening.
To both of us.
* * *
The warmth on my hand is a welcome sensation; the feeling unfamiliar yet comforting, and I can’t work out if I’m dreaming or this is reality. As the warmth turns moist, that’s when I know that something is definitely not right. I open my eyes and recoil immediately, pushing furiously at the duvet.
‘Why are you in here? Fuck off,’ I cry.
I glance up to find Lauren in the doorway, clutching her sides in hysterical laughter. ‘He was just saying good morning. He loves you.’
‘He can piss off. Nobody wants to be woken by a physical assault from a dachshund.’
‘Leave him be, he’s only little,’ she coos.
‘A little shit more like.’
Pushing him with my leg, I move him closer and closer to the edge, but the bastard clings on for dear life. It’s only when I pull myself upright that he finally scampers off, leaving me in peace. I rub my eyes as I perch on the side of the bed. With no job to get up for anymore, these lie-ins are going to cripple me. How’s it even possible that I feel worse for more sleep? I used to function on six hours at best and here I am eight hours plus, more tired than ever. I turn and watch Lauren place a coffee cup on the side and the smell awakens me slowly.
