Page 16 of Always Beth
There’s easy and there’sdamsel in distress, how can I ever repay you,easy. God, I need sex. That’s it, the only explanation for it. Because one good deed hasn’t made up for his earlier behaviour. He’s still someone I should steer clear of. Should…
I stir aimlessly as the wax bubbles away,something dick friendly.Dick friendly. I’m dick friendly when I’m not dick starved. The wax splatters, catching my skin, the sudden heat enough to draw me from my James-induced trance. My hands shake as I carefully pour the wax into the moulds. One last batch and I’ll be ready for the hospital. There was no way I thought I would do it. Poppy paws at my leg, desperate for my attention. Over the last few days, she’s been so needy.
‘Come on then, Pops, let’s have a cuddle.’ Scooping her into my arms, I relax in a heap on the couch and scan my pile of redirected mail. Catalogue after catalogue. Bill after bill. One letter catches my eye,Mr and Mrs S Foster.Surely this shouldn’t be here. I shrug as I run my finger down the seam of the envelope and pull out our joint bank account statement. When I left, he froze everything. Everything besides this it seems. This isn’t a coincidence. He wanted me to see this. As I scan the itemised bill, there’s restaurant after restaurant, jewellers, florists, you name it, this isn’t the joint account statement of a husband and wife, this is an A-Z of romancing your mistress. I glance at the figure next to the florist – ninety-five pounds? An image flashes through my mind, like it was yesterday: standing in our kitchen last Valentine’s, he brought me a beautiful bunch of roses, and it was such a shock as we weren’t getting on. I thought that we’d turned a corner. Then he handed me the receipt.They cost me thirty quid, you know.He was so wrapped up in himself that he begrudged his own guilt roses.
The more I think of it, the deeper I fall into the misery that was my marriage. I think the signs were always there, I just didn’t want to believe them. My phone vibrates across the table, and I peer cautiously at the screen. I still as I see the name and the first part of the message. The timing is impeccable.
Stephen: You need to sort yourself out a solicitor. I can’t have this dragging on any longer, Beth. I need things sorted. I’ve given you long enough.
He needs things sorted? It’s okay for him, he has all our money, a convincing reputation, and an important career. The only thing I thought I had going for me was my pride, but right now I feel that slipping away by the second.I’ve given you long enough…the absolute cheek of it. I gave him long enough of my life. He can wait. Although he can’t wait, none of it can. I need to let go of it all and move on.
ChapterFive
Beth
Iwrap my hands tightly around my teacup, blowing softly on the steam as I stare aimlessly out the kitchen window. I must find myself a solicitor by the end of the week, one I can afford, one who has some actual guts. Maybe if I hadn’t found myself distracted since I got here then I might have actually got my life in order, but somehow this escape from reality has turned into something a lot more interesting.
My breath catches as I glimpse the wave of dark hair bob along above the hedge and I wait in anticipation to see if my eyes are deceiving me. No. It’s him. He’s at my gate. He’s walking up my path.Fuck.He’s walking up my path. My teacup crashes into the sink and I tear my dressing gown from my body and cry out as I glance down at my penguin pyjamas. Oh hell. The knock on the door is almost thunderous and I clutch my head in frustration as I frantically think about what to do. A coat. I’ll put a coat on. I catch my hair in the mirror, Jesus it resembles something birds could nest in.
‘Beth? Are you home? It’s James.’
‘Err, yeah, one moment.’ I zip up my coat in record timing, smoothing down my unruly mane and casually open the door. ‘Heyyyy.’
‘Hi.’ His tone is unexpectedly soft.
His mouth falls open and he hesitates for a second. ‘Sorry, were you on your way out?’
‘No.’
‘But you’ve got your coat on.’ His eyes travel down my body and he’s about three seconds away from… ‘Are those penguins?’
Oh god.‘Did you actually want something or…’ I twitch uncomfortably as I try to hide my embarrassment.
‘You’re pleasant this morning.’
Maybe if he didn’t turn up unannounced, critiquing my pyjamas, I’d be more inclined to entertain him.
‘Sorry, I’m not used to unexpected visitors.’
He pauses. ‘I’ll go.’
As he drags himself along the path, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so dejected.
Jesus, stop him, you miserable cow.He’s already halfway to the gate before I call after him, ‘James, wait…what did you want?’
Turning on the spot, he shrugs and glances down at Dick. ‘Company.’
‘Company?’
He stares at the path and kicks the leaves around with his feet, muttering under his breath, ‘For Dick mainly, I mean look at him.’
‘He looks fine to me.’ My eyes flick back and forth between them.
‘He’s depressed, he wears it on the inside, Beth.’
I bite my lip to stifle my laughter. ‘Give me a few minutes, I’ll get Poppy ready.’
‘Are you changing your trousers, or are you coming like that?’
