Page 11 of Always Beth
‘Well, that’s great, Beth, thanks for that.’
‘Perhaps ice-cold pants will tame whatever that is…’ She flicks her hand towards me erratically, picking Poppy up and marching up the bank.
‘Solovelyto see you again. Beth!’ I launch my screwed-up boxers after her, but it’s too late, she’s gone. As I wade out of the water, I wrestle myself into my jeans and t-shirt. I infuriate her? More like the other way around. I glance down and Dick looks up at me, unimpressed.
‘Broke up your date, did I?’
* * *
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. All I know is I’m angry and frustrated and this is the only place I can get any privacy. I don’t know what came over me. She was in a full costume with a bright, fluffy bobble hat. Not exactly the image that fantasies are made of. I swore that was it, no more women. I didn’t think it would be an issue out here in the country. How wrong was I? Leaning back against the toilet wall, I arch my back to give myself some room. It’s bad enough cramming myself in here to take a piss, let alone masturbating over our tenant. I just can’t erase her from my thoughts, and the only way I can deal with this is to relieve myself in half a metre squared space of toilet cubicle. I throw my head back as I wrap my hand around my aching erection and breathe heavily, chasing a quick release. After earlier, I need it desperately, but around here it’s hard to even get five minutes peace.
‘James, what are you doing in that bloody toilet again?’ Lauren cries.
Fuck.
‘Nothing, I’ll be out in a moment,’ I snap.
I can’t keep doing this, I’m a thirty-nine-year-old man for heaven’s sake. If I were still in London, things like this wouldn’t be a problem. Opening the door in a rage, I find Dick right under my feet. ‘What the hell do you want? Keeping tabs on me as well, are you?’ Scooping him under my arm, I march through the cottage, releasing him into the garden. I sigh a breath of relief before turning directly into a stern-faced Lauren.
‘What is with you?’ she hisses.
‘Nothing. I’m fine. So what did you want to do today?’ The words tumble from my mouth so quickly that I wish I could take them back, but the expression on her face says it all.
‘You’re finding it hard to adjust to being here, aren’t you?’
‘It’s not that, it’s just—’
‘I know this isn’t what you want, it’s not what I want either,’ she whispers.
I pull her into my arms and the little strength she has dissipates into my body. She sighs heavily as she relaxes against my chest.
‘Do you know what you want to do?’ I say soothingly, in a hope it will calm her further.
‘I can’t. I’m sorry, I just don’t feel up to it. I don’t want to let you down,’ she says, full of remorse.
‘Shhh. You’re not letting me down. You’re so brave.’
‘I’m scared—’
‘Why don’t you lie down?’ I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and pray she does as I ask and any deep and meaningful conversations are left for another time. I just can’t handle it.
‘Will you lie with me?’
‘Of course I will.’
Beth
No matter how many times I push it from my mind, the feel of him against my body creeps up on me and invades my thoughts. Then I remember once more how disgusted I am that I’m even entertaining the thought of him. I’ve secluded myself to a little hideaway in the middle of nowhere and the men are few and far between, hell, it’s him or the postman. I’m in a spectacular sexual drought and times are hard. Like his body, his whole body. I smile as I remember the warmth I felt against him and as far as intimacy goes, it’s the closest I’ve been in forever. If only he wasn’t so damn annoying and I wasn’t going through a divorce to end all divorces.
Opening my laptop, I hover nervously over my inbox; I don’t think I can handle one more rejection from a solicitor right now. As soon as they see Stephen’s name, it’s like they all run scared. What I need is for someone to be as enraged as I am, like a red rag to a bull. The thing is no one cares as much as a woman scorned. I hit delete violently over and over. I’ve exhausted everyone I can afford, my only choice now is to go big, but if I go big my bill will be astronomical. Definitely not something a few wax melts will cover. I need a flipping miracle.
As I lower my screen in frustration, I see a message pop up. It’s from one of the nursing teams at the local hospital. I read the email again and again.How many wax melts do they want?Hell, I was complaining that this new hobby business wasn’t going to cut it, but now I don’t think I even have enough stock. It will clear me out completely. Perhaps this is a sign that things are looking up. I hastily type a response and rise from the table with a spring in my step. One hundred wax melts in the next forty-eight hours, sure, I can do that. Can’t I?
ChapterFour
James
It’s been a week since I last saw Beth and it’s been nothing short of a relief. Lauren has just about recovered from her last round of chemotherapy, ready to start her next, and this time I’m going to be there. No excuses, no distractions, just the two of us, battling this together. Throwing the tea towel over my shoulder, I wipe the flour from the cookbook and read the instructions for the tenth time.Why did I even bother?
