Page 65 of Malice and Surrender
Beep
“Hey girl, it’s me. Um, nothing wrong, but if you could give me a call when you get a second. I’m still at the airport with Jace. Talk later.”
My thumb hovered over the delete message button as the door opened, and I spun around to see Jace leaning against the door frame. He smirked and shook his head.
“You just couldn’t resist, could you?”
I opened my mouth and looked at the phone, my brain scrambling to find some excuse that wouldn’t make me sound like a total loser.
“Don’t bother lying. I know you tried calling her. The stench of guilt is wafting off you.”
“Shit, I just…fuck, I have a bad feeling. I can’t explain it,” I said as Jace walked toward me.
“How is it that someone so fucking sexy is so insecure?” My face heated with the compliment that also happened to be an insult. Jace wrapped his arm around my shoulder and forced me to turn and look into the mirror. “Look at yourself. You’re lickable.”
I smiled and shook my head. “You’re also crazy. I’m not worried about her not wanting to be with us.” Jace lifted his eyebrows. “Okay, I may be a little worried about that, but I don’t know…I just have a bad feeling. Like one of those nervous, I can’t explain it, feelings.”
Jace didn’t say anything as he walked over to the urinal, relieved himself, and washed his hands with the overly orange-smelling soap. I knew he was thinking. He got all introverted when he was deep in thought.
“Could it be the storm,” Jace finally said. He tossed the paper towel into the air and made a little swooshing sound as it sank into the garbage. “Still got it.” His eyes turned back to mine, and I shrugged.
“I don’t know. Maybe, I guess.”
“Avro, at some point, you’ll have to find a way to stop letting your uncle control you. The man is dead, and he’s not coming back from the grave to attack you. If he does, I’ll be fucking running right beside you. That’s straight-up Walking Dead territory.”
I rolled my eyes at Jace. “I don’t think he’s springing from the grave. I just still get edgy about storms.” I crossed my arms. “Besides, trauma is different for everyone, Jace. I don’t choose to be like this.”
Those silver eyes met mine, and I knew the rant was coming. “Avro, are you really wanting to start the laundry list argument? I may not have had a shitty uncle, but I fucking know pain and fear.”
“Oh my god. You are so different from me. You’re pedal to the floor, no looking back, take on the world, nothing bothers you for long,” I said and then looked at the door as someone opened it.
The orderly with his bucket and mop stopped and stared between us, looking like we were ready to come to blows. Without a word, he backed out, and the door closed behind him.
“The point is, I’m not like you. I’m never going to be like you, and as much as I would love for storms not to bother me, they may always bother me. Are you going to call me out on it for the next fifty years?”
Jace took a deep breath, and the sound seemed so loud in the quiet bathroom. “I’m like that because I have to be.” He paced away from me.
“What are you saying, Jace?” He didn’t say anything as he stared at the door. “Jace?”
Jace whipped around, and his eyes narrowed in anger. “I’m like this because I’m always the rock. I have been since we were eight years old, and except for…well, you know the shit, I’ve always had your back and taken on the world for both of us.” His words were a punch to the gut, and I took a step back. “Now, I know that I chose to be, just how I chose to be there when shit went sideways at school or home or with your uncle or afterward and then every night since.”
“So you’re saying I’m a burden?” My anger dangerously mixed like a cocktail in my system.
“No, never a burden, but Avro, let’s be real for a moment. From the day we met until today, when have you been the rock in our relationship? Forget my family shit.” He held up his hands. “Aside from those few months where I will admit that you and my music were the only things that got me through. Aside from that, when? Did you comfort me when we did what we did with your uncle? Have you spent any time since wondering how that night affected me?”
I hated that he was calling me out like this. Our life had felt perfect for so long, a fairy tale that others never got to live. Now Jace was poking at that image in my mind. Water was leaking out, and it was supposed to be my fault? It was true that I’d never spoken of that night again or asked him how he was, but we’d promised not to mention it. I thought I’d been there for him as much as he was for me, like we balanced one another out.
“Fine, don’t say anything. I’m going to go sleep on the plane.” Jace had the door open and was gone before I even got my stubborn lips to move.
I followed him out into the small area before the glass doors and the private jet sitting in the hangar. I could see Jace marching for the plane, but I needed a moment. Sitting at the table, I stared at the phone that refused to ring and ease my worry. As the rumble of thunder outside grew louder, the memories of that night came back to me.
“Mom, you know I hate camping. Why are you forcing me to go?” I asked, dragging my back duffel behind me like a ball and chain.
Camping felt like a death sentence. It had been the same way my entire life, yet every year my mom made the same plans with the same people to do the same things I hated. It took us forever to get there, and everyone wanted to sing and play games that made me want to cry. I was thirteen. Singing “Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall” or playing Eye Spy was no longer fun.
I just wasn’t the type who liked to be out in the wilderness with bugs, snakes, and whatever else. I hated that there was no good way to charge my phone unless my Uncle Martin and Aunt Tilly let me use their truck. I hated that the only way to bathe for the entire week was in the little springs. Most of all, I hated leaving Jace behind, but my mom insisted that this was strictly family time.
“Alex, you’re going to be going off to college in a few years, and you will have these memories with your family for the rest of your life,” Mom said, her face glowing as she smiled.
