Page 23 of Malice and Surrender
“‘Cause you can never be too careful,” he said and nodded, so I nodded along with him.
“Okay. Did you want me for something?” My own hands were itching to get on Raine’s fair skin.
“Oh, yeah. You fuck a lot of girls, right?”
Of all the questions that Wilder could’ve asked me, this was one I wasn’t prepared for. I had no idea the guy knew what a girl was. He rarely spoke, and when he did, it was about guns, bombs, or how someone was after him. I didn’t know if that last part was true, but regardless, women was not where I thought this conversation was headed.
“Um…yeah, I do alright, I guess. If you consider a couple of girls a week a lot, then yes.” This conversation felt fucking weird, but now that I was into it, it was like quicksand, and I had no idea how to back the fuck out.
“Is it normal for a girl to cry after getting fucked?”
My brow furrowed as I thought about how to answer this landmine of a question from Wilder.
“Are we talking like that was the best fuck of my life crying, or are we leaning more toward crying for real?”
He looked confused.
“I mean, is she like, oh my god, what just happened type of crying? Or is she trying to get away from you?” I figured it was best to clarify the issue.
“Hmmm, difficult to say. She can’t get away,” he said, and my mouth fell open. Did he just admit to keeping someone hostage? “Tell me, what’s the difference? Does the crying sound different? I mean, tears are tears, right?”
“Well, yes, but there is a difference,” I said as I tiptoed around the image of Wilder attempting to have sex with someone in a cell or maybe chained to a wall. Not that I didn’t think the guy could get his dick hard, but the idea of him having sex and not with a farm animal was a different story.
Wilder sighed like I was being difficult, so I tried to explain. “Let’s try this. If the girl is crying after being fucked, but she’s all like, oh, Wilder, that was amazing. Yes, give me more. I want to take your cock down my throat. Do it again. I can’t get enough. Then that is good, and she liked it, so I would lean toward normal.”
“Would her voice go that high pitched?” he asked, and I had to hold back from smacking myself on the forehead.
“Maybe, I don’t know. Look, if she’s screaming at you to get away from her and says she never wants you near her again while the tears are falling, then I’m going to say that falls under the not normal column.” Lifting my shoulders, I let them fall. “Does that make sense?”
He rubbed his cheek, leaving behind a dirty streak. “Huh, okay. I think I need to go back to the drawing board,” Wilder said, then bent low as he ran across the property.
I watched him until I couldn’t see him any longer, then shook my head and stomped back to my bike. There was some shit you just couldn’t explain, and that conversation was one of them. I feared for any girl who caught his eye.
Jumping on my bike, I revved her and flew out the open gates. I didn’t bother to stop even though a car was coming, and the sound of the horn had me flipping the guy off. One year, three months, and two days ago, I was released, and I would go back to that hellhole just for the satisfaction of seeing Raine die by my hand.
There were still cars in the customer parking lot, so chances were that Raine was still inside. It didn’t matter now that I knew where she worked. How fucking close she was this entire time. I was willing to sit outside this place every single night. Grabbing the smokes from my jacket, I parked the bike down a side street and sat there with the engine off, my eyes on the door as I waited. I held the cigarette between my lips and remembered the first time I tried one.
I’d stolen a couple of smokes from Mr. Collins’s pack and snuck out back. It was late, and no one was awake. I sat down to lean against the tree. It had been a strange six weeks, and I wasn’t sure what I thought about all that had happened. It was six weeks to the day that I’d taken the garbage out to the garage, and Mrs. Collins followed me. It took me all of ten seconds to know what she was after. It wasn’t hard to guess after the whole movie situation that this was coming. When she grabbed my cock through my track pants, I almost came on the spot. No one other than myself had ever touched me like that.
In a garage, up against the chest freezer, was not how I thought I would lose my virginity, and the fact that she acted like it wouldn’t be a one time thing kinda wigged me out. I mean, it was a shit ton better than my hand, but it felt…weird. She was my foster mother.
Did that make me a man now? At least I didn’t have to go to college a virgin. So why was it that I felt guilty? I didn’t care about Mr. Collins. The guy was never home, and when he was, he was a jerk or ignored us, but I did care about Raine.
Fuck, I shouldn’t feel bad. She was practically still a kid, and I would be gone in a couple months, but there was a definite nagging sensation in my gut.
I pulled out the first smoke and the little book of matches and stared at them. My father liked to smoke. I remembered it clearly. The red and white pack he kept rolled up in the sleeve of his T-shirt. I’d always thought it was so cool how he sat on his motorcycle with one hanging out of his mouth and my mother sitting on his lap. The faint scent of smoke that clung to his clothes. At least I thought it was cool until I got a little older, and I realized that he was a fucking asshole, and my mother was miserable.
“Hey, can I sit?”
I jumped at the soft sound of Raine’s voice as she stepped around the tree and sat down before I answered.
“By all means, join me,” I said sarcastically.
The sweet, shy smile on Raine’s face fell. She looked down at her hands, blonde hair hanging around her face, and I kicked myself for snipping at her. What had been happening between me and Mrs. Collins wasn’t her fault, and neither was my feelings for her that I wasn’t supposed to have. Every time I was near her was a conflict and battle of wills.
“I can go. I didn’t mean to bug you,” she said, and I sighed.
“No, I’m fine. Just in a mood, guy stuff, before you go asking. Here, you want one?” I held out a cigarette for her to take, and she shook her head.
