Page 40 of Malice and Surrender
Putting the image back exactly how I found it, I went up the stairs. My heavy boots creaked on every step like I was in a haunted house. Well, if anyone else were home, they sure as fuck knew I was here now. The place was as tiny upstairs as it was down. There was a linen closet that looked like it could hold all of one set of sheets. A bathroom you could barely walk into and turn around without hitting your elbow on the shower stall, and two bedrooms, if you could call them that. I wasn’t one for expensive things, but even I felt claustrophobic in this place. The roof was old, low, and angled, so I could only walk three-quarters of the way into the room before ducking or hitting my head.
Taking my time, I opened her nightstand drawers, but there wasn’t much, other than a couple of magazines and a book. I was closing the drawer when I recognized the cover of the book. It was Flowers in the Attic, the same book that Raine had been reading the day that I kissed her. Lifting it from the drawer, I opened to the first page. I wasn’t sure why, but I kept flipping pages, then turned the book to fan the pages toward the floor. A picture fluttered to the ground.
Dropping the book back into the drawer, I leaned down and picked up the photo. I didn’t need the little flashlight to know what I was staring at, but I shined the light on it, anyway. There we were, two happy, smiling kids. This was Raine’s fifteenth birthday, and I had taken her to the movies as her gift. Her arm was wrapped around my waist while mine was draped on her shoulder. I remember how it felt to have her pressed up against me. She smiled up at me, and my hands shook with the torrent of emotions the image dragged to the surface.
I sat on the bed and couldn’t peel my eyes away. I ran my thumb over her face and remembered how excited she’d been when I grabbed a large popcorn and drink for us to share. It hadn’t been a super scary movie, but Raine had always jumped at the tense spots, and more than once, she’d grabbed my hand until I linked our fingers together for the rest of the show.
Turning the picture over, I read the writing that simply said, Kai and me on my fifteenth, and there was a little heart drawn. How did we go from this to one kiss and one year later, Raine accusing me of rape?
I gripped the picture, ready to tear it in two, but my fingers trembled. I couldn’t do it. It felt like I would be tearing apart the only good memories I did have. That thought hurt as much as her accusation. Instead, I put it into my pocket and stood from the bed.
Making my way over to her dresser, I opened every drawer, not sure what I was looking for, but I kept looking anyway. The next one I opened had a wide variety of black underwear. Picking up a pair, I held them up and groaned at the thought of seeing her in these.
Fuck, stop that shit.
I dropped it into the drawer and slammed it shut. Finished with the drawers, I moved on to the closet and still came up with nothing. She had like ten outfits to her name. I had more clothes in my closet.
“What the fuck, Tink?” I mumbled. “You have to be making coin at that place. What are you doing with it all?” My fingers played over the cheap metal hangers, bare except for a few sweatshirts and T-shirts.
Leaning over, I sniffed the black hoodie closest to me, and I could still smell the lingering scent of her body wash through the clothes detergent. I turned in a circle and spotted a backpack stuffed in the back corner of the closet. Pulling it out, I looked inside and whistled low. It was filled with money and rolled clothes. I knew a go bag when I saw one. Why the hell did she have this?
Putting it back, I marched out of the room and jogged down the stairs. There was only a single closet, two-piece bathroom, and a living room. The kitchen wasn’t much bigger than those Easy-Bake oven things she used as a kid. Raine was always trying to talk me into sitting with her while she baked a cake. It was oddly sweet, and I could clearly remember her squeezing frosting out and swirling it around like a professional before she’d shake on sprinkles. I quickly wiped that memory from my mind, but they were never gone for good. She was always there in the back of my mind, the memories quick to surface.
Hiding the flashlight, I slipped out the backdoor and relocked it. I didn’t know what I expected to find, but the sparse and impersonal home I’d just walked through was not it. It seemed like she was ready to pick up and run at any moment, and maybe she was. Maybe she only stayed in one spot so long before moving on to the next.
It wasn’t a terrible way to live. I could picture having a big RV, cruising the countryside, and picking the next stop by closing our eyes and placing a finger on a map. I had no idea why I was getting all nostalgic about Raine, and that could’ve, should’ve, would’ve been crap.
At the end of the day, the past was what it was, and she did what she did, and I was now who I was. The guy she tossed into jail was dead. I was what had emerged from the cage, and I was a whole lot meaner, and a whole lot pissed off.
Raine
To say that things were tense tonight was like saying the ocean had water. Jace and Avro barely spoke during dinner and kept staring at one another like they were communicating with only their eyes. It was a totally different vibe from the relaxed breakfast we’d shared, filled with waffles, mimosas, and laughter. I’d even teased them both and asked questions to learn more about how they’d started dating and how Jace liked touring.
But now, it was like they body swapped with two different people. I’d agreed to come over again and see if I felt any more comfortable, but I was beginning to wonder if I should’ve just gone home. I picked at the rice I was eating and finally couldn’t take it anymore.
“Can someone please tell me what’s wrong? I can cut the tension between you two with a knife,” I said.
Both men glanced my way and then went back to eating. Fed up, I stood, prepared to call an UBER to go home. I had no interest in staying around this all night long.
“Where are you going?” Avro asked as I went to the door to get my shoes.
“I’m going home. Whatever you two have going on isn’t going to be solved with me here tonight,” I said.
Avro met me at the door and held my hands to keep me from putting my shoes on.
“What do you think you’re doing, Avro?”
“I’m sorry, and we don’t mean to make you feel like you’re stuck in the middle. We had a disagreement earlier, and…” He sighed. “We need to figure out the details, but we want you to stay. I’ll put the argument aside if Jace is willing to do the same.”
I looked between Avro and Jace, who lifted his head from staring at his equally barely touched food.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Jace’s eyes swung to mine. “I’m sorry,” he said, but I couldn’t tell how he actually felt.
Nodding, I dropped the shoes and walked back to the table to sit down. Avro seemed more like his normal self, but it was hard to tell with Jace. I didn’t know him well enough.
“I found a new song for a new routine if you want to hear it,” I asked Avro.
“Why don’t you use one of mine?” Jace interjected before I could finish.
