Page 32 of Malice and Surrender
Jace was lying in the same position as when I’d left the room, but now he was fully naked, and Avro knelt beside him, facing me. Avro’s eyes never strayed from mine, and I knew my face was bright red by now. I was so hot and turned on watching him.
“Fuck, that feels good,” Jace groaned and leaned on his elbows so that I could see both of their faces clearly.
Jace’s eyes met mine, and there was a smoldering heat so intense that it miraculously forced the temperature in my body higher. The house coat felt like too much clothing as I practically cooked inside the fuzzy material. Jace gripped the back of Avro’s head and pushed down, forcing himself deeper into his mouth. Avro made a choking sound, and suddenly, the entire cock disappeared.
My hand instinctively went to my throat, and the earlier trembling became full-on body tremors. I couldn’t decide if I was more excited by what I was watching or horrified that they wanted to do this with me.
“Fuck yes. Fuck, Avro,” Jace’s face darkened a moment before his head fell back, and he yelled Avro’s name like there was no one for miles. His body jerked up, and I knew he was cumming. There was no denying it, as I rubbed my legs together, that watching the show made me wet.
Avro slowly lifted his head, his tongue drawing lines along Jace’s shaft, and then licked the tip like Jace was a delicious treat. Those amber eyes turned to meet mine, and all the earlier courage I’d managed to muster took a swan dive out the window. Backing into the bathroom, I flicked the door closed and turned to lean against it. My hand clutched the fuzzy coat tight to my chest as I tried to calm the wild fluttering of my heart.
“Raine,” Avro said a moment later, with a soft rap on the door.
I jumped like he’d pounded on it and gripped the material tighter as I stumbled away to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. I couldn’t draw a breath and felt a panic attack coming on. I knew that if I kept it up, I was going to faint, and yet that didn’t matter. My mind was screaming hysterically. It was like someone screaming, Run! They’re going to get you! in my ear. What was it about panic attacks that left you spinning out of control? The harder you tried to stop them, the worse they became.
I didn’t hear the door, but Avro was suddenly in front of me. His hands were on my knees, and his eyes locked with mine, but I couldn’t understand a single word that came out of his mouth. It was all white noise, like someone had left a fan on, way too loud inside my brain.
Warm hands cupped my face, forcing me to stare into eyes that held so much warmth and compassion that they felt like a tender hug all on their own. He was exaggerating a breath in. I copied his action, and then he slowly blew out. I couldn’t say how many times he made me do that before I could see without the spinning or hearing the loud hum.
“That’s it. You’re okay, Raine. I’ve got you. Just breathe,” Avro said softly, and the sound of his voice brought tears to my eyes.
“I’m so sorry I’m ruining your night. I should go. I’m a mess, and I…”
“Shh, Raine. I said just breathe.” He laid his finger on my lips, and I felt like such a fool. I couldn’t believe that I’d had a panic attack over hot sex. I was completely insane. Anyone else would’ve run across the room and done a swan dive between them; yet here I was crying.
“I see your mind is still racing. Just focus on me and push all of that extra chatter aside.” He cupped my chin, and even though I didn’t want to, he forced me to keep staring into his eyes. “I said I’ve got you, and I meant it.”
“But….”
“There is no but. I knew this would be hard for you and that you may not be able to follow through, but this is a huge step, Raine. You went from a few months ago not getting in a car with me to being in my home, showering, and sitting here in nothing but a bathrobe. From where I’m standing, those are massive strides.”
I didn’t say anything. All those things seemed so small and normal. They shouldn’t be celebrated.
Avro smiled wide. “You kissed me in front of hundreds of people and went to the beach with me all alone. You came up here completely blind to what might happen. Raine, stop beating yourself up.”
I shook my head. “Why do you even care? I’ve never told you what happened. I don’t understand why you care this much.”
“You don’t understand because you refuse to see your worth. That needs to change. Second, I see in you the same emotional scars I carry around and battle every day. Even now, they creep up on me, but I’ve learned to control them, and you’ll get there too,” he said, and took one of my hands and placed it over his heart. “I was attacked and raped by someone that I thought I could trust. I see the same fear in you. You don’t need to tell me now what happened, but I hope one day you will.”
“Avro, I’m so sorry.” I’d never have known if he hadn’t said anything. He hid it so well. Something about the quiet admission made me feel more at ease. He truly understood and saw me. They weren’t just words to placate me or calm me down.
“Don’t be sorry,” he smiled. “Here, I brought you this,” Avro said. I looked to see what he picked up, and I laughed as I took in the fuzzy Minion pants and plain white T-shirt. “I knew you’d want your clothes clean for the morning, so I put them in the wash. Come on, stand up. I’ll help you put this on.”
He held my hand and helped me to my feet, and I couldn’t explain it, but this felt like a monumental moment for me. Like I was finally finding my way off the roundabout I’d been stuck in. My heart swelled with Avro’s nearness, and I was seeing him for the first time through eyes no longer tainted with crippling paranoia.
He helped slide the T-shirt over my head, and of course, it was way too large on me. As soon as it was in position, I let the towel fall.
Hanging onto his shoulders, I stepped into the sleep pants he held open for me and watched his hands as he tied the strings into a perfect bow.
“I bet you didn’t think you would need to dress me tonight,” I teased, my voice coming out as a whisper.
These last few hours had been the most intense I’d ever seen Avro, and when he laid his hands on my shoulders, I felt the weight of that gaze. “I would dress you a million times over again if it would keep you looking at me just like that.”
My mouth curled up in a smile, and I couldn’t stop blushing. Avro had that effect on me. I brushed it off at work, but here in this quiet moment, he wasn’t performing for anyone. This was all him, the real him.
He ran his hands over my short hair. I’d kept it short since my attack. I could clearly remember the feel of the first guy’s hand wrapping in the long length I’d been so proud of and pulling me back as I tried to run. I shuddered and pushed the image aside.
“I love your hair like this,” he said, leaning down, his lips brushing against mine. “Will you lie with us to sleep?”
