Page 83 of The Spare
“Good.” My mind drifted to Sloan. Aside from the Zurich trip, it felt like a dream, one I never wanted to wake from. “She’s incredible.”
He paused for a moment before the grin grew and stretched across his face. “You love her.”
I did. I’d known that for a while. But the idea of telling her and awaiting a response I may never get was enough to keep me from admitting it.
“You don't need to admit it, your face did it for you.” He taunted.
I didn’t answer.
“She loves you too. I can tell.”
I had spent my life looking out for my little brother, considering him too fragile to trust with certain things. It was humbling to have leaned on him the last few weeks. It made me feel worse about the timing of the Zurich trip.
“Yeah?” My heart surged at the thought of her saying it.
“She told me about the McLaren. And the books.” His grin was smug. “Trying to raise the bar so high nobody can meet it?”
I froze. Nobody would come after me because I was never letting her go. She was mine. I had the scratch marks on my back to prove it. “Nobody’s going to fucking try.”
Unless she decides it’s over.
Every second closer we got to the board meeting in July, the more I felt the dread. The looming crash. Every move I’d made when it came to her family’s company was at the behest of her grandfather. I was helping. I kept telling myself that. The deeper I fell for Sloan, the more I knew she may not see it that way.
There was a chance it would all go off without a hitch and maybe she’d never know. Or if she did, maybe she wouldn’t care?
She’ll care.
Xander grew quiet for a minute. “Be honest with her.”
“What?”
“I don’t know what it is that’s making you look like you’re about to be sick.Just be honest with her. I promise you, it is better than the full force of her wrath.”
I knew Sloan wished I was more open with her, and I did try to be, but it was like learning a new language. I didn’t often try things I knew I’d struggle with. Sloan was the exception.
I tried to keep myself from ever wanting anything so much that it would hurt if I lost it, and for a long time, it worked. But, Sloan made me want everything. A deep intractable desire for a life with her. A home. A family. Everything.
“Yeah.” I knew he was right, but I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t risk losing her, not when the entire world looked different when I had her.
We got a few drinks at the half and settled back in our seats.
“There’s one last thing.” There were a few minutes before the second half started. “There’s a Holi celebration Jay invited Sloan to. You should go.”
Blood drummed in my ears.
He asked her out, again?
My body tensed at the memory of him in her office. All I knew for sure was that nothing happened between them, but that knowledge did nothing to blunt the barbed grip on my chest. “She didn’t tell me she was going to see him.”
The thought of her lying to me made it hard to breathe.
“She’s not. She’s not going to go.” The uncharacteristic firmness of his voice provided some relief. “But that’s because of you. Sloan loves Holi. She wants to go but probably doesn’t want to broach the subject because Jay is the one who invited her. She would love it if you went with her.”
I was suddenly very thankful that Xander went with her basically everywhere. I knew Sloan loved the holiday, a festival to usher in the start of spring. She and Henry weren't religious, but there were holidays—like Diwali and Holi—that Sloan loved.
My stomach churned with guilt. She felt the need to hide something from me.
“When you go, remember Jay is friends with Henry. Keep that in mind.” That was Xander’s subtle way of telling me to keep my hands to myself.
