Page 103 of The Spare
“Marcus. We can’t keep doing this.”
“Sloan—” His eyes searched mine as panic bled into his voice.
“Going back and forth wondering what you’re telling me and what you’re not. Wondering what your motive is or what the calculus on any given situation is.” I looked down at the floor, tears welling. “I’m so tired.”
He cupped my face in his hands. “I should have told you. I’m not good at this, but I promise you, I will be. I’m going to mess up, but Iwillfigure it out. I won’t hurt you again.” His voice was soft but firm. “The calculus is simple, Sloan. Whatever I need to do to make you happy is what I’m going to do.”
“I want to believe you,” I rasped.
“Let me prove it.” His thumbs stroked my cheeks, sweeping away some of the tears. “That life, the one I told you about in London? I meant every word. The only time I’ve ever seen arealfuture for myself was when I pictured one that I shared with you.” There was a tremble in his voice.
I tried to hold in the tears, but they poured out of me with a small sob.
“I want to make that future a reality, not as a way to make it up to you, but because there is nothing more important to me than making you happy. I’ll do anything for it. I’ll find every book you love. Hell, I’ll dig up Cervantes and make him write you a new one. Because you make me whole again, you keep me together, you make me want to feeleverything. You are my entire future, the only thing that matters. Let me prove it to you.”
He leaned in and pressed a short kiss against my lips, seeking nothing more than a chance.
“Okay, prove it me,” I said softly. What I wanted, more than anything, was to spend my life stumbling upon all the ways he loved me.
He ran his fingers through my hair, I couldn’t help myself, and I leaned my head against his chest. “Main karoonga,” he said.I will.
I jerked back, and my heart stopped for a second.
No way. He learned Hindi?
The words got caught in my throat until finally I gasped out a “what?”
Marcus took my hands in his again; mine weren’t the only ones trembling. “I’ve been learning it for the past few months. After that dinner you made, the one I invited myself to, I realized how many parts of you I didn’t fully know. From there, it became my mission to start learning them. Hindi was first. I will never be fluent, and the prospect of ever being able to read it is questionable. My best is somewhere around an illiterate first grader.”
I laughed through the quiet, overwhelmed sob.
“I want you to feel seen. Completely. I never want you to feel like you have to hide any part of yourself. I’m going to memorize every single piece of you. The parts that I don’t understand, I’ll figure out. And now, if you can’t describe it in English or French, we have Hindi too.”
My heart swelled. My chest rose and fell with a deep, slow breath. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I leaned in and kissed him. He groaned and pulled me into him when I deepened it. Completely enveloped in his kiss, I let him pull me into his lap, and I straddled him.
He gently wiped my tears. “I have your journal. The one I got you.” I told him as my lips tingled with a familiar buzz. “You kept it all this time but never wrote in it?”
“As long as there were empty pages, I had a reason to carry it around.” His nostrils flared as he took a shuddery exhale. His confession felt like a love note. “It’s always been you, Sloan.”
The words filled me with static. “All these surprises.” I wiped a few tears. “You’ll spoil me.”
“I’m going to keep surprising you.” Marcus ran his arms around my waist and held me tightly. “I won’t ever hide anything else, just the surprises.”
“I do love games.” I sniffled and tried to regain some level of composure. “Can I have a hint for the next one?”
“No.” He drawled, his body relaxing around me.
“Please?” I asked and leaned in to drop a trail of kisses along his jaw.
“Fine, but you have to agree to my next question.”
“Okay.”
“Move in with me.”
I could feel the tremble in his hand on the small of my back. “That wasn’t a question. Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Fuck, Counselor.” His tone was playful. “Main bheekh maang raha hoon.”I’m begging.
