Page 9 of Caught in Us
Her chin turns. Our eyes meet. My pulse races, along with my confidence.
Only, it’s cut short when I notice her slide her hand through the arm of another man. A man holding a child.What the fuck?
“Alicia! Oh my God! You’re really here!” Callie shouts, dragging Alicia’s stare away from mine.
Soon she’s enveloped in hugs and greetings, crowded by Jill, Cam, Callie, Ash, and several other guests. I should join them but I hang back, my gaze stuck on the small boy being held by Alicia’s date.
She moved on. She started a family. That’s why she stayed away. Fuck. It shouldn’t bother me, but it hurts to see her with someone else. An overwhelming urge to punch him in his friendly, smiling face curl my hands into fists. With a measured exhale, I relax my fingers and will myself to look away from the couple. A million questions enter my mind. Who is this man? This child? He must be hers; he looks exactly like her. I can’t believe she moved on, and so quickly. I don’t know jack shit about babies or child development but the kid can’t be older than three. The math isn’t complicated.
Was I so easy to get over? Did our summer together mean anything? Surely, it didn’t hold the same significance for her as it did for me.
The man at her side flashes her a secret grin, the kind people share when they know the other’s thoughts without having to say a word. A flash of jealousy sparks with that one look, spreading through my veins as a new realization hits—I should be the one trading secret stares with Alicia. This guy she’s with isn’t anything special. He seems extremely average; if anything, the epitome of safe. Why him? What does he have that I don’t? Does he make her happy?
Memories of our stolen summer plays like a movie in the back of my mind. I once held her laughter, her smiles—her heart. But I was the one to fuck it all up.
My gaze collides with Alicia’s again. It’s only for a moment, but I swear she can read all the questions in my mind. Her smile is polite, but her eyes, they hold answers. Full of compassion, or maybe regret? I sense her reluctance and it breaks open old wounds. The pain of her leaving, running. Away from us; away from me. Because I wasn’t whole. I wasn’t good enough. Not for her.
My insides are a jumbled mess, and standing back doesn’t gain me an ounce of closure. Faking a calm I don’t feel, I step forward with an easy grin to join the group.
It shouldn’t matter what she thinks, but I’m desperate to show Alicia she was wrong about me. I’m sober, healthy, and happy. When she left town she missed out on what we could have been, but that didn’t stop me from healing. Apparently, it didn’t stop her from finding someone else and making a family of her own, without me.
6
Alicia
“Fuck.It’s good to see you again.” Jill wraps me into her warm embrace.
I squeeze her back, closing my eyes tight so they won’t drift back to Chase. He’s here. Of course he is. His stepbrother is the groom, after all. My mistake is thinking I could handle it. “Jilly. You’re getting married!” I infuse every bit of excitement into my words, praying it covers my nerves.
She steps out of my arms, her smile wide. “I know! Fuck! Can you believe it?”
“You look fantastic!” Callie beams, stepping away from her boyfriend Ash’s side to give me a hug. “You always do.”
“And who is this cutie?” Cam playfully taps Matthew’s elbow.
My son averts his gaze, tucking his head into Simon’s shoulder. It’s his go-to move when he’s overwhelmed by attention.
I feel everyone’s gazes go from Matthew to Simon, and then back to me. I sense their unspoken questions and my stomach plummets. Their silent judgment settles on my shoulders. Why did I think I could do this?
“I hope you’re talking about the babe, and not me,” Simon teases, earning a few laughs and easing the tension.
“Sorry, where are my manners?” I finally find my voice and insert all the confidence I can muster. “This is Simon, and this,” I reach for my son, his little arms wrapping around my neck, giving me as much comfort as I offer him. “This is Matthew. My son.”
I’ve seen the movies where everyone’s stunned silent at the sound of a record scratch. It isn’t my intent to recreate that when introducing my son today, yet that’s exactly what happens. Every conversation in the room hushes. All eyes fall on me and my little boy. I fight the instinct to lash out or retreat. The urge to protect Matthew at all costs is overwhelming, but I recognize that their shock isn’t misplaced. I should have told them. I can only imagine their surprise, and maybe disappointment. It’s more than understandable. Above everything, I avoid Chase’s gaze even though I know it’s on us. Shame floods my cheeks, hot and heavy with the weight of the answers I owe him.
“Wow.” Jill smiles, but it’s forced. “Looks like we’ve missed some major life events.” The hurt in her tone is as clear as the sky outside.
“Matthew?” My son’s name coming from Chase’s mouth does something to my insides. Does he make the connection? Is it obvious to everyone?
My spine straightens, an imaginary shield of armor coming up to protect my son. “Yes.” I bring my gaze to hold his, wondering if he can see my weakness. There’s no way he can know my thoughts, or what I’ve endured in these years apart, but the hurt in his chocolate brown eyes hits like a punch to the gut. I’ve disappointed him. Pasting a fake smile on my lips, I turn to my friends and pray for acceptance. “And we are so excited to be here for your big day. Thank you for the invitation, Jill. It came at the perfect time.”
“Are you still at the university in London?” Jill asks, her polite smile back in place.
“I’m finished with my Master’s and have been involved in several research projects while working on my doctorate.”
“A doctor?” Callie’s brows shoot up. “That’s great.”
My friends are trying, but the conversation is stilted and it’s my own damn fault. Maybe coming today was a mistake. “It’ll be another year or so, but yeah.”
