Page 10 of Caught in Us
“I’m sure that keeps you busy,” Jill says, her gaze drifting down to my son.
“It does.” I hate that there’s an awkwardness between us. That it’s my fault. I wish I could bridge the years we’ve missed, or beg for a fresh start. But this isn’t the time for that. “So what’s new with you all?” I ask, but my gaze drifts back to Chase as Callie and Jill do their best to keep the conversation light and impersonal.
Simon places his hand at my back, playing the role of the perfect boyfriend. I wish he would stop. I don’t miss how Chase’s nostrils flare. Of course, he has no reason or right to be jealous, but still I feel horrible. Why did I think this was a good idea?
“Mommy, down.” Matthew kicks his feet, getting restless and bored with the adult conversation. Or maybe he senses my unease.
“I’ve got him,” Simon says, taking his hand. “You catch up with your friends.” I should be thankful he’s so good with my son, but I watch them trail off, wishing I could escape too.
“How long are you back in town for?” Cam asks.
“A little over a week.”
“Are you staying with your parents?” Callie asks, and I catch the hint of concern in her tone. She and Jill know a little of the relationship I’ve had with my mother, and it’s touching she still cares. Maybe I haven’t completely obliterated a chance for us to rekindle our friendship.
“Yeah.” I exhale some of the stress in my body. “They send their best.”
“I was hoping they’d be able to make the wedding,” Jill says. “I haven’t seen them since before you left.”
“Yeah. Well. They really wanted to make it.” I lie for my mother to respect her wishes, but instantly regret it. Jill and Callie aren’t mere acquaintances, they were my best friends. They’ve spent the holidays with my parents, and come along on vacations. They deserve to know why things are different.
“Excuse me.” A woman in the restaurant’s logo’d uniform steps forward. “We’re ready to serve lunch whenever you are.”
“Perfect. Thanks,” Jill says, then turns to Cam. “You want to round everyone up?”
Cam whistles, drawing everyone’s attention and I am thankful for the interruption. I slip away to find Simon and Matthew. Overall, this went better than I expected, but still. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of this afternoon. My stomach feels as if it’s twisted into a tight knot. Even my lungs feel short of breath. I keep a smile pasted on my face when on the inside I’m fighting the urge to run. It’s a little too late for that.
7
Chase
I makeit through the lunch without staring at Alicia and her new family the entire time, and for that I should be given an award. It’s hard when I’m so drawn to her, and her son. His name is Matthew. My last name is Matthews. Does the similarity hold some significance? Or maybe I’m reaching. It’s a common name, and egotistical to think she named her own child after me, someone she hated for years—and for good reason.
I don’t see wedding rings, but I wonder if this clown is her future and how serious they are.Simon.He’s younger than I am. Skinny. And so fucking British. It annoys me every time one of Jill or Cam’s friends gushes over his accent. I wonder if Alicia intentionally set out to find a man who’s the opposite of me in every possible way. If she did, it’s a fucking success.
I have no reason to be this annoyed at her or her date. She made herself perfectly clear when she left and I know where I stand. Hell, I’ve got no right to be jealous; I’m with someone too. I wish I had pushed Julia to be here today, just so I could watch Alicia’s reaction. Would she be happy for me, or would she harbor resentment that I’ve moved on?
At least I thought I’d moved on.
Obviously not.
The urge to stalk to the bar and order a beer hits me from out of left field. Old triggers resurface with the ghosts of my past, and that familiar fear of relapsing—of fucking up all the progress I’ve made—ultimately keeps my ass in my chair. I blow out a slow breath and count down from ten, then pull out my phone to check the time. Everyone is finished eating and conversations fill the room while we wait for Cam to settle up the bill with one of the servers before heading to the venue. I just need to get through the next few hours. Tomorrow morning I’ll catch an AA meeting. If I’m still feeling unstable tonight, I’ll call my sponsor.
A notification pops onto my screen.
Kenslee: This is boring.
A genuine smile spreads across my face and I bite back the urge to laugh. I catch her twinkling gaze across the room then tap on my Words with Friends app to play her in a round. Callie passes out directions to the venue and people stand, milling in small groups in preparation of heading out. I hang back, schooling my niece though she’s a strong competitor.
As I start another match, my brother’s phone rings. He frowns at the screen, then stands. “I better get this.” He swipes at the screen and answers, “Hello?”
“I’m sorry, what?” He moves away from the table, but the room quiets, picking up on the concern in his tone. “Say that again?” Cam pushes his cell against one ear and presses a hand to cover the other. “Shit.” He looks at Jill and winces. “No. I understand. I appreciate the call. Yeah. Will do.” He pockets his phone, walking to her side.
“Everything okay?”
“Uh, yes and no.” He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “We no longer have a wedding venue.”
“What?” Jill’s eyes bug. She shakes her head, then starts laughing. “You’re fucking with me.”
