Page 44 of Commanding Flame and Shield
“I gave up the right to do more than survive and protect when I answered the call of the sword.” My voice was softer than intended, flame extinguishing. “I am indebted to Aren, in more ways than I can count. Indebted to the hierarchy for their sacrifice.”
“Did Aren tell you that?”
“Of course not. Aren would never begrudge me leaving. But…where would I go?” I shrugged. “Hang up my sword, trade my guns for Saturday morning farmers markets?”
“Come on, Ally. Iseeyou. The real you, with your shield down. I love that you’re a badass, but I think it’s bullshit you act like that’s all you are. And while you might be close, you're not a god. You can’t carry the world on your shoulders.”
He surveyed me for a moment, and my breath hitched as I pushed the emotion back down where it belonged. I was a soldier—a divine soldier, forged of wind and fire, destined to destroy demons, and that’s all I knew. The wind kicked up around us as the panic grew in my chest. Icy chains wrapped around my throat as I tried to remember anything before battle. Anything before the sword…and came up blank.
“If you say so, August. You must remember different lives than me.”
Each memory August had shared of his known past life was of battle, the celebrations of victory, or pained nights in pubs trying to drink away his losses. Unless he was cleverer than I knew, and had hidden his memories, that’s all there was. That was the downfall of humanity.
“Walk with me?” I asked after a good stretch of time. He silently rose to his feet, dusting off the strands of grass and pine needles from his clothes. Pulling the end of his sleeve around his hand, August reached down to help me up, and I tentatively accepted his kindness.
Gravel and pine ground beneath our boots as we wandered down the path deeper into the woods. The stream not far from us gurgled a mountain melody into the night. We wandered, exhaustion not yet nipping at our minds. August often looked up to the sky, eyes tracing the silhouettes of the trees, and the glimmer of constellations, before looking back to me. Gradually, my stomach began feeling unsettled, butterflies blooming there.
“You said you were alone when Aren found you?” He finally asked.
“Yes.”
“How old were you?”
“Nearly twenty-five.”
He was quiet for a moment and the tension in the air thickened with expectation.
“Did you ever have someone? Like Layla? I can’t bring myself to be okay leaving her there after all this time. I just thought…if you understood…”
I shook my head slowly. “Not since ascension.”
“Before?
“Yes,” I admitted softly. “We were attacked by a group of men. They were going to…” My throat was tight, a heaviness settling over me as I remembered the terror in my muscles. “They wantedme. He managed to get free, and then fought for us. And they…stabbed—” My voice cracked with ancient ache, and I cleared my throat, staring at my feet. "He kept fighting, but they just kept coming…until he couldn’t stand…and I—”
When my breath hitched, he set his hand on my low back as he finished my sentence. “And you ascended.”
I nodded. “They were already dead or dying when Aren got there. It was too fast, though. If I’d understood my powers, I would’ve taken my time before sending them to face their judgement. Aren has always reassured me that sending them to face the gatekeeper was the best thing I could’ve done.” Fuck, had I ever shared this part of my story with anyone other than Aren? I cleared my throat, sucking in a long breath before I could continue.
“I was crying out for help, still holding onto him, when Aren jumped into the alley. Flesh traders. That’s what he told me was the most likely scenario—and no man controls another in such a barbaric way without first entangling with something demonic. They were drawn to me like the crawlers were with you.”
His lips pressed tight, eyes tortured. “Aren couldn’t heal him?”
“No,” I whispered. “His soul had already detached. And Aren had pried himself from the depths of battle. He was wounded himself, and just beginning to heal, and certainly didn’t have the energy to perform that kind of healing, even if there’d been time...Michael wouldn’t have survived the jump to Grayshell.”
Something ahead of us pulled on my consciousness, but I ignored it. A passing fox or deer, most likely.
“He was called Michael?”
I smiled and gave him a gentle nod.
“Michael is most of what I remember from my human life. My family had already been murdered when we met. We were kids, really. Fifteen.” August motioned towards the forest floor, and I stepped over the gnarled root that snagged his attention. “He held me through my grief, and I guess he’s all that's worth remembering. We were together for ten years before they took him…” I cleared my throat, working to keep my voice from betraying me. “I can’t ask you to give up Layla, for this life. If you love her, August, keep her as long as you can. If she’ll let you, keep her close.”
“Watch her grow old, alone. Watch her die,alone. Send her to an afterlife I’ll never join. That’s no life for either of us, is it?”
I pursed my lips and shook my head timidly. I needed to make sure he understood every complicated facet of the mess he’d unwillingly inherited.
“There’s something else you should know, August.”
