Page 43 of Commanding Flame and Shield
My heart sunk, and I chewed on my lip for a moment before suggesting, “Save lies for when they’re absolutely necessary, and share truths whenever you can, as often as you can.”
“I just don’t know...how much they would believe, even if I wanted to share it.”
“That’s the hard part, I’m afraid.”
The two of us had become frequent companions to the stars, most of our evenings ending beneath their shimmering blanket, pouring our hearts out. That night was no different. We sat elbow to elbow on the ground, contemplating his training, his mission, and how he could return home to Ivy Springs after a long, vaguely justified, mostly unexplained month of absence.
“Perhaps I’ll tell them I bought an inn, and I’m leading bouldering trips in Colorado,” he finally quipped. August was laying by my side, hands laced behind his head in the tall grass. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the Milky Way for quite some time, but he glanced at me nervously.
“Wouldn’t Layla just come with you?”
“Maybe. If she hasn’t assumed the worst in me by now.”
“Impossible.”
"But she has a life in Ivy Springs. A business, friends, family. Uprooting everything...it just doesn’t make sense. Not even for a boyfriend having a mid-life crisis.”
I snorted. “Maybe a third-life crisis?”
“Maybe.” August’s endearing, lopsided grin appeared for a moment. And then his face soured, a little stress v appearing between his eyes. “Let’s talk about...anything else. Are you excited about going home? To Grayshell?”
I shrugged. “I like it here.”
“Because of the quiet?”
“Yes, mostly. Between you, and Alec, and the mountains—this is the first actual peace I’ve had in centuries. I wish I could just stay here forever.”
“Nobody wants to hideoutforever.”
Oh, how I wished we could just stay here, hidden from the world, surrounded in nature and music. Laughing our nights away with Alec and Fae. But cabin, or no cabin, the storm was coming for us all. There was no staying.
“Certainly not if we want to stand a chance against whatever storm they have brewing. We can feel them coming. Can’t you?”
He pursed his full lips, and then nodded. “Like…anxiety…deep in my chest. It feels like war.” I hadn’t been sure if he was interpreting the pulse beneath our feet as we were, but, trained, or untrained, August didn’t miss much.
“But does it have to beyouto take all this on?
A humorless chuckle slipped between my lips before I could stop it. “Somebody’s gotta do it. Generally, my gifts are a great tool in the arsenal. You might not have gotten to see that,” I smiled ruefully. “But I would dishonor them if they were anything less than top priority.”
“Jesus, Ally, you’ve served them forcenturies. I think they'd understand if you decided to live for you for a few years. Even Christ took a day to rest every now and then. Why not stay here for a while, renew your spirit?”
I chuckled and turned onto my side to look at him, and he did the same. My hands were beginning to feel the chill of the September evening in the ground below us, shivers rolling through my frame. He inched closer, his knees centimeters from my own. Our hands nearly touched, and he tossed his flannel blanket over my wool one, and then I freed a hand and summoned a flame for warmth. August’s expression was intent, with a hint of sadness under all that strength as he studied my face.
“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it.” I twirled the fire between my fingers, turning my palm so he could see how it snaked around me like a ribbon; but his attention was back on my face in a heartbeat. “But I have this dream. It just…runs on a loop. And I can't shake it. It's always the same…” The flame flickered as my sorrow nipped at my heart, even after all this time. “And every time, I save him.Every time, like a consolation vision, it shows me if I had just been…better, stronger, trained like I am now, that I would have saved him—them.” August hovered his fingers over the flame, shifting them incrementally, and prompting the fire to split into two dancing ribbons.
“It's just a dream, Ally. You can't actually save them all.”
“Andthat…is a lesson I won’t learn twice.”
“You’re not a God.”
“I’m as close as it gets down here.” I cleared my throat. “Besides, if I didn’t fight to defend them, who would? If I wasn’t guarding the coven, where would that have left you and Layla?”
“Don't get me wrong. What you all do is extraordinary. But beyondendlessbattle, you deserve to live alife. We all do.”
You deserve to live a life. The words hung heavy as a chain around my neck. For centuries, I had only existed to avenge, and protect—the coven, humanity, braids, and souls—until they could do so themselves.
He stared at me, fierce and unyielding. The air felt thick on my skin, like I could carve a piece out of it with the dagger tucked in my boot. My heart quickened as his eyes searched for something in my own and for a moment, I just breathed in August’s scent, tangled with wood smoke, and pine, his musk growing more familiar to me than my own.
