Page 42 of Starting Back
My chest squeezed at the concern in her gaze, but sleep wasn’t coming to me this morning. She’d be right there when I shut my eyes, along with the new nagging voice echoing in my brain, asking me what the hell I was doing with my life.
Maybe it wasn’t new and I’d just learned to ignore it, but it had become deafening over the last few hours.
“I don’t need that much sleep. I’ll be fine.” I tried to smile back and exhale over the tightening in my chest. I needed to be alone right now, even though it was the last thing I wanted.
She grabbed a T-shirt from the open suitcase next to her bed and slipped it over her head. It was baggy and long, but I still spotted the points of her nipples through the cotton. The need to climb back on top of her, spread her legs, and devour her as if she were my last meal—like I did over and over last night—had my feet pinned to the carpet and unable to move.
But it was the sad pull on her features that distracted me most of all and kept me from reaching for the doorknob to leave.
She smiled, cupping my cheek in her hand before she planted a soft kiss on the other one. I shut my eyes and grabbed her wrist on instinct, wanting to push her away and not let her go at the same time.
“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning her forehead against my chin. “It’s been an amazing couple of days. Thank you for…” She sucked in a long breath before lifting her head. “It’s amazing how a man I only knew for a short time made me feel more like myself than anyone else. That’s you I’m talking about, by the way.”
I laughed at her narrowed eyes.
“You have a lot to give, Leo. I just hope that someday you’ll stop keeping it to yourself. Even though I think you gave more to me than you expected.”
I wanted to reply to that, but I couldn’t. Everything was so spot-on, but any words I had for her were stuck in the back of my throat.
I took her face in my hands and kissed her, light closed-mouthed pecks lasting longer each time my mouth brushed hers, but we couldn’t fall into that again. Reality came up with the sun, and there was nothing to do to fight that.
“I did. I couldn’t help myself. And you,” I began, dipping my head to meet her gaze, “you are going to give yourself a break when you get home. Fuck your ex and anyone else who doesn’t treat you like the incredible woman that you are.”
“Breaks are hard to come by,” she said, chuckling as she darted her eyes from mine. “But I think I have a better handle on the rest. Thanks to you.” We shared a smile before a heavy silence fell over us. “Be careful at work.”
“Have a safe trip home.” I kissed her forehead, holding her face a little tighter before I finally let go. “At least I helped you make use of the space.”
She laughed when I nodded toward the terrace.
“That you did. I was hoping to hit that big soaker bathtub, but maybe later. I’ll see.” She blew out a heavy breath before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me in for another kiss, both of us stilling and probably afraid to ignite anything we couldn’t, or shouldn’t, see through.
“Goodbye, Leo.”
I smoothed a lock of hair behind her ear and nodded.
“Goodbye, Kristina.”
I didn’t look back when I shut the door behind me. I ambled over to the parking lot, my footsteps on the ground the only sound other than the noisy chorus of cicadas.
That feeling of jumping out of my own skin was so potent, I almost itched.
I avoided planting roots for my entire life, but I’d never felt this lost.
* * *
“You’re quiet,”Andy, one of the probies, said to me, giving me the side eye as he cleaned up the truck after our last call. I never was very chatty on shift here, but other than a grunt of hello and what I needed to say on the calls we set out on today, I was basically mute. I’d kept as busy as I could since I’d come in, but I was starting to crash.
“It’s been a long day, and I’m exhausted. Sorry if I seemed rude. If I’m getting through the rest of this shift, I need some sleep. Come get me if you need anything.” I slapped his arm and headed for the beds in the back of the firehouse.
Bartending at Turtle Bay was a hell of a lot easier than this, but that wasn’t why my mind was fixed on my side gig today. Wondering what Kristina was up to occupied most of my headspace when I let my mind wander, and I needed to stop.
I collapsed onto one of the beds, too tired yet too wired to shut my heavy eyes when I jerked my head toward my buzzing phone on the table next to me. I scooped it up with my heart in my throat, half hoping maybe it was Kristina reaching out even though our goodbyes today were final.
I groaned when I spotted my cousin’s name on the screen. If I didn’t pick up, he’d just keep calling, and if I wanted to snag even a little sleep, I had no choice but to answer.
“Hi, Gabe,” I yawned into the phone.
“I guess you’re on shift if you’re yawning at five p.m. When you didn’t text back this weekend, you had me worried. I’m the one responsible for making sure you stay on the grid.”
