Page 23 of Diamonds in the Dark
I haven’t been out of bed long enough for this. Her knowing me as well as she does, follows behind me saying nothing else but kind of laughs. She sits at the bar watching me but does not talk until I have drank my first cup of coffee. When I go to refill my cup she asks, “Why are you just now getting up? Rough night?”
I smile and answer, “Actually, no. I had a nice night. I haven’t slept that well in a while. I guess my body needed to catch up on sleep.”
She gives me a knowing look. “Gwen, who was here? Please tell me it wasn't Edward.”
“Becca are you stupid or do you really think that I am that stupid? I would never let Edward into my home! No one was here, just me and my loneliness.” I answer as I turn away from her to add cream and sugar to my second cup of coffee.
“Bullshit Gwendolyn, don’t you dare lie to me. I can see right through you. I also smell cologne, but that’s beside the point.” She scolds.
“Okay, so we are going to lunch right?” I ask.
“Yeah, so,” she smirks
“I will tell you all about him over lunch, but there isn’t much to tell. He and I are just two people that happened to meet, both of us are broken and we have found a friendship in each other.”
“Cut the shit Gwen, seriously? He stayed the night here, didn't he? That sounds like a little more than friends.”
“He didn't stay the night, he only stayed until I fell asleep. I am not sure what time he actually left. He was going to leave, but I asked him to stay until I fell asleep because I felt safe with him here. But seriously, Becca, we are only friends.” I explain to her.
“Okay, hurry with the coffee and go get ready. I have to hear about all of this. How was I left out of the loop on this?” she asks, sounding a little hurt.
“You weren’t left out. I just met him not too long ago. I will explain it all while we have lunch. I am going to get ready. I am starving.” I shout in her direction as I run up the stairs.
On the way to the restaurant, she starts asking questions. I try to change the subject, but she isn’t having it. “Gwen, how long have you known this guy?”
“About a week maybe a little more… So much has happened lately and it feels like I have known him my whole life. I can’t remember the exact day I met him. I think it was the day after I broke up with Edward, but I wouldn't swear to it.” I answer.
“Are you and him a couple?” she asks.
I laugh at that, “No, like I already told you, we really are just friends. It’s way too soon for me. As for him, I am not sure if his ex-girlfriend messed him up so badly that he is against relationships or if there is something else. He has made it all too clear he can offer me nothing more than friendship.
“Ah”, she lets out. “But from the look on your face when you talk about him, you like him don’t you?”
I hesitate for a few seconds thinking about my feelings for him before answering this time. “Becca, I do like him to be honest with you, and that scares me a lot. I am trying not to put my feelings into words too soon. But when I am with him, I feel like I am home. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. I never felt that way with Edward or anyone else for that matter.”
“So, you are in love with him?” She pries.
“No, it’s way too early for feelings like that,” I scold
“Okay, Gwen, the look on your face when you talk about him and the fact he feels like ‘home’ to you, tells me a different story. But I agree, it is too soon after Edward to be falling in love again. Just give it time and see what grows between the two of you. This could be something special, or it could be just rebound feelings.”
“Becca, instead of looking at my face trying to read how I feel about this guy, how about watching the road, Okay?” I say, feeling defeated.
She laughs and changes the subject to the baby, and I am glad for that. I don’t really want to talk about what I may or may not be feeling towards Asher, because it does scare me. I need to find myself before I include anyone else in the picture and he has made it perfectly clear he wants nothing more than friendship. Oh, and maybe a few make out sessions on the side. What have I gotten myself into?
All through lunch, we chat excitedly about the baby. I love watching her talk about the little peanut. Her eyes sparkle with pure bliss. I can’t help but wonder if I will ever know the feeling of a little person growing inside me. At one time, I thought it was getting close. Edward and I had talked about having a baby. He was all for it, as long as I took most of the responsibility for it. He said his job demanded too much of his time, that I would have to be the main caretaker. I didn’t mind, that was how I was raised. My mom was my main caretaker and my dad loved me and played with me when he was home. He was our provider, and he has always been a great dad. I'm so glad we didn't have a child together. That would have been a disaster and traumatizing for the child.
“Oh, I almost forgot, Gwen, the whole point of me coming to get you today was I wanted to ask you, will you be my Maid of Honor? We finally set the date! September 1st.We want to be married before the baby gets here in December!”
“Nope,” I answer her.
She looks at me in shock with her mouth open. A look of hurt takes over her eyes and it breaks my heart. Reminder to self, do not joke with the pregnant best friend.
“Becca, I am only kidding, of course I will be your Maid of Honor! I am so excited for you and Tommy! I can't believe you thought I was serious. We have been talking about being in each other's weddings since we were kids!”
We finish our meals, and, on the way home, she talks non-stop about the wedding. For this, I am thankful because it keeps her off the subject of Asher and I don't really want to talk about him anymore right now. When I talk about him and us, everything gets confused in my head and I don’t know what to think. All I know is I like him, and I feel safe and at home with him. I don’t know what any of that means for the future if anything. I also like being in his arms and adore his kisses. Ugh, I realize I am not listening to a thing Becca is saying because Asher has taken over my thoughts. Thank goodness she doesn't realize it. She just continues to chat away as I fight my way back to the surface of my mind so I can at least halfway listen to her.
When Becca pulls in at my condo, she turns off the ignition and informs me she is coming back later to watch a movie and stay the night if that is okay with me. As long as I don’t have plans with my mystery man. Tommy is out of town for a few days, and since she is pregnant, she would prefer to be with someone and not alone. I laugh and assure her that me and the mystery man have made no future plans and I have no clue when, or if, I will see him again. We just kind of come and go into each other’s lives. She gives me a strange look.
