Page 11 of Diamonds in the Dark
“To be honest with you, I don’t care either way. I would love to have a little girl, only for the dress up aspect of it. Girls have so many more options in clothing and accessories. But either way I am happy as long as it’s hale and hearty as the old saying goes.” Becca answered, still beaming that dazzling smile that has not left her face since she started talking about being pregnant.
Our waitress brings our orders out to the table and before she is out of sight, we both dig in with gusto, both of us acting as if we are starved. Becca, because she is now eating for two, and me because hearing this magnificent news has lifted my spirit and my appetite. I am now regretting ordering this undersized meal.
We finish our meals and chat about babies a whole lot more. We even indulge and order dessert in celebration of the little peanut! They have not talked about names and don’t plan on it until they find out what it is. I sit here just enjoying listening to my best friend talk about the baby and drawing positive energy from her cheerfulness. I cannot get over the expression of glee on her face and the pure bliss in her voice. Being pregnant looks remarkable on her. I cannot wait until she starts showing, she is going to be an absolute cutie! I know they both are going to be great parents and I am going to be the aunt that spoils it rotten!
Becca and I say our goodbyes with huge hugs and cheek kisses. We go our separate ways with promises to call each other later this week and get together again in a week or two for another lunch date.
I am on a happy hangover after Becca’s news and all the baby talk. I get in my car and head home. I realize we didn't talk about Edward at all. I am glad. We didn't need to darken our happy mood by discussing him. I need to catch up on some housework and check my work email. With all the happiness I am feeling at this moment, I might actually get some stuff finished today.
???
I walk into my house and the first thing I notice is my answering machine light flashing red. I don't use my home phone much and it's not a number I give out. I don’t know why I didn't get it disconnected when I moved in with Edward. I guess I just didn't think about it at the time. Generally, I give my cell number to anyone who needs it. I am too cheap to get voicemail on my home phone, so I use an old answering machine my dad gave me when he finally broke down and got voicemail. I decide to ignore the little flashing light for the time being. It's more than likely just someone trying to sell me an extended warranty for my car anyway. I lay my keys and purse down on the kitchen counter where I always lay them, and my missing sunglasses fall out of my purse onto the counter. Shocked, I stand there just staring at them like an idiot. I don’t know what to think. “Where in the hell did those come from?” I ask the empty room. I know they have not been sitting on the top of my purse for all this time. That is impossible, I know I checked there numerous times. I didn’t overlook them for days while getting in and out of my purse and to be sitting on top where they could just fall right out? I am flabbergasted! I know they didn’t just decide they wanted to be found, grew some legs and decided to move themselves into my purse. I don’t know what to think at this point. I am at a loss as to how they got there.
Not wanting to over think the sunglasses too much, I go about starting some laundry, dust a little and play with Sam. I feel like I have been neglecting him and that makes me feel guilty. He is the perfect little gentleman. I grab a can of his special wet food and give him the whole can, hoping the old saying “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach,” is also true for cats.
I walk through the house doing a few things in each room to clean it up. The amazing thing about living alone again is that it doesn't take half the effort to clean the house as it did when Edward and I shared a home. When we first moved in together, I thought he made messes on purpose to see if I would say anything. I didn’t think anyone could be that nasty. I figured out really fast he was just a complete slob. Before I moved in, he had a maid service that came out a few days a week to clean. Once I moved in, he let them go because I guess he figured I was his new maid. He sure expected me to clean up after him. He seriously was like cleaning up after a child or worse. He would not pick up anything at all, not even his own dirty socks that he always laid beside the clothes hamper instead of in it. Now, in just a couple of hours I can clean my entire house from one end to the other, including dusting and laundry.
I finish with the dishes and move the last load of laundry to the dryer. I sit down and I get on my work email account. There is nothing I need to do except for a few client letters. I go ahead and get them done so they will be out of the way. No need to procrastinate any more than I already do. I delete everything for my inbox and go to shut my computer when I hear my alert for a new email. Opening my laptop back up, I see the email is from Edward. “This guy never gives up.” I say aloud. I open it and am shocked at the length of the message.
Gwendolyn,
Baby, I truly need you to call me ASAP. The documents that are missing are important. It might even be better if we could meet for dinner and go over where they could be. Let me know, I will be here at work for a few more hours catching up on a few cases. I can run by and pick you up if you agree to dinner. You can choose the restaurant, wherever you want to go. We also need to talk about us. I cannot go on living without you in my life. You are my world. I know I messed up too many times to count over our years together, I also know that I need help. Counseling or something, I know you can help me with this and be my rock that stands beside me. I love you so much it hurts to think you really don’t want me back. We have so much history and what about all the good times we have had over the years? I know they must outweigh my sick obsession with women and sex. Yes, I know it is a sickness and it is not right for me to be the way I am. I promise you, come back to me and I will get all the help I need, and I will never hurt you again. I know I have promised that before, but I never thought I would really lose you. I was ignorant and blind to how much pain I have put you through. Baby, I need you more than you need me, and I know that now. I am not worthy of you, but I hope you will think about all this and give me a call and see if we can work this out. I love you more than you know. Maybe we can have some awesome make up sex. ;-)
Love always your (hopefully) soon to be husband,
Edward Clark
Oh, for crying out loud, he has to be kidding me. Yes, that’s all sugary sweet and the right words but at the wrong time. It’s too late! He will never get the help he needs. He enjoys being the way he is. It's all lies to lure me back into his web. I asked him to go to couples counseling twice and he laughed in my face. And that last sentence? He ruined everything he said when he added that part. Edward and sex in the same sentence right now are not a good combination as far as I am concerned. I slap my laptop shut without responding. I have nothing to say to anything he said in that email. It’s all just words to me and they are a bunch of meaningless blabber. What is he talking about missing papers? I have no clue what papers he is talking about. I go and check my messages on my home phone just to see if I am missing something here. There are a few hang ups, and one is from Edward.
“Gwen, hey sweetie. I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but I do need you to call me back ASAP. I need to go over a file with you from a client that you worked with me on. There seems to be some papers missing from the file and I need you to see if you can figure out what they are and maybe even where they went. It is an older file, so I am not sure there is much we can do, but we do need to see if we can figure it out. Call me as soon as you can so we can fix this if possible and I…. I love you baby.”
Will he ever go away? Why did he call my home phone anyway? He always blows up my cell phone. I am not calling him back. I am still enjoying my happy high from finding out Becca is pregnant. Edward has taken enough from me; he is not going to take my happiness from me tonight. Let him sweat the file for a bit. I am sure there is nothing I can help him with anyway. I don’t know where any missing papers are. That should be his new sex toy’s job, finding the things he loses, not mine.
I look over at the clock and it's almost six. I feel exhaustion taking over my body. It seems any time I hear from Edward, it drains me mentally and physically. I decide on a quick dinner of a ham and Swiss sandwich and cheddar and sour cream potato chips, I am not all that hungry, I am still full from lunch, but If I don’t eat now, I will be in the kitchen at midnight prowling for food. While eating, I plan out the rest of my night. I think a shower, comfortable pajamas, popcorn, and a good comedy movie is just what I need. Come to think about it, I haven’t even turned on my TV since moving back into my own place. Well, tonight I am going to change that!
I go upstairs and take a hot shower to help clear my mind. I get out, dry off, and slather myself in coconut lime body lotion and finally put on my most comfortable pajamas.I am determined to enjoy the rest of my night in my freshly cleaned house doing what I want to do and not having to answer to anyone. While finishing in the bathroom, Asher sneaks into my mind. I enjoyed our time together today, but he still seems so mystifying to me. There are alarms going off in my head when I am with him. The alarms aren't like the ones that you get when you are around someone with bad intentions. They are not warning me away from him. Only that he has secrets that he is not okay sharing with me now…if ever. I am drawn to him in an immense way regardless, and that makes me feel a little uneasy. I am not looking for any kind of relationship at the moment, friends maybe, but I cannot offer more of myself than that until I get myself pulled back together, and right now the pieces of me are everywhere. I also don’t want to use anyone as a rebound and I cannot trust my emotions this soon after leaving Edward. I never want to hurt anyone the way I have been hurt. I don't think he is really looking for a relationship beyond friends either. As I have said, it's just a vibe I get from him.
Going back downstairs, I stop and pet Sam, who is asleep in his cat tree. After eating his canned wet food, he got his belly fat and just wants to sleep. I love petting his velvety black fur. I give him some little kisses on his head and let him finish his cat nap. I am trying to think of a good comedy to watch. I don't want anything with romance in it, just a straight-out comedy. Something that will make me laugh so hard I pee my pants. As I am picking up the remote to turn on the television, I hear a loud knock on the door. I look over at the wall clock for what seems like the fiftieth time tonight and see it’s nine-thirty. Who could that be at this time of night? I know I am not expecting anyone. I walk over to the door and look out the peephole and I don't see anyone. Maybe they went away or had the wrong door. Then, the knock comes again as I am walking away. I look out the peephole again and still cannot see anyone, so I open the door to look out.
All I can see at first, is several dozen roses from the looks of it. Then I hear him speak my name in a hoarse whisper. I know it's him before I even look over and see him. He is standing off to the side of my porch so I couldn't see him when I looked out my peephole. His clothes are disheveled, and he has huge gross hickies all over his neck. It is repulsive to look at. The hoarseness in his voice, when he said my name, tells me he has been drinking. It's a dead giveaway every single time he drinks. He gets a weird hoarseness to his voice.
“Edward? Why are you here?” I ask, trying my best not to lose my temper.
“Gwen, Baby I waited hours for you to return my call and email and you never did, so I came over here to take you out to dinner.” He stumbles, trying to step up onto the porch.
I know for sure now where he spent those hours waiting for me to call. At a bar…drinking, and from the looks and sound of it, heavily.
“Edward, I didn’t call you back because I do not want to go out to dinner with you or anywhere with you for that matter. I thought I had made that pretty clear. I do not want you showing up at my house uninvited and drunk either.”
“Gwen, we need to talk about the papers that are missing and us. This is important, can I please come in? I really think we can work this out!”
He is so drunk his words slur worse with each one he speaks. I just want him to leave.
“I don’t think so, Edward. I have no idea what papers you are talking about anyway. Isn’t that your new plaything’s job to find them? I do not work for you.”
He is getting agitated, and it scares me a little. I have seen him drunk, and while he has never really been violent towards me, besides pushing and calling me nasty names, I have seen him get violent with other people who piss him off when he's had one too many. To be honest, I don't believe I have ever seen him this drunk, so I am not sure what to expect from him in this condition.
“Fuck, Gwen, what do I have to do to make you see I need you. I fired her last week. She got clingy and it repulsed me. You are the only one allowed to cling to me. I love you and miss you so much it fucking hurts. Please just let me come in and let’s talk. I don’t beg for shit Gwen, and you damn well know that. You have me standing here begging like a fucking idiot for just a simple conversation with you. Humor me a little if that is what it takes, but please spare me a moment of your precious time,” he whispers.
