Page 57 of Catch
Grayson texted Matt while Parker excused herself to check on the girls. I sat on the couch. I was stunned. It had only been a week since Parker told me about their open marriage. I was still processing that. I realized then that their marriage wasn’t really open. From what I understood, an open marriage meant the marriage was still alive. Parker was just Grayson’s beard.
When Matt showed up, he and Grayson retreated to his office. Parker came downstairs. She saw the closed office door and walked directly into my arms with quiet tears streaming down her face. I managed to get her over to the couch where I held her and let her cry. I didn’t know when I started crying but I didn’t even care. We needed this cleansing. When her sobs subsided and she sat upright, she gave me a sad smile.
“I’m so sorry. For everything.” She touched my face and wiped my tears away. Parker was a pretty crier. I ended up with splotches on my skin. The only visible sign that she had been crying was red-rimmed eyes.
“So open marriage really meant he got to keep his relationship with Matt, more or less?” I asked. She nodded. “How long has this been going on?”
“On and off since college. Matt is a great guy. He’s wonderful with the girls. I think that’s made it so much harder on Grayson because he can see what his life could look like.”
“And that’s why he pushed for divorce?” I asked.
“That’s why he agreed to one,” she said.
“It was your idea?”
“Yes.” She put her hand on my thigh. “The last few months have been really confusing for me. Reconnecting with you, seeing Grayson so happy. I’ve felt trapped for so long. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”
I put my hand over hers. “Don’t take this wrong, but why on earth did you marry him knowing he cared so much for somebody else?” I left myself out of the equation. Now wasn’t the time.
She looked defeated. “I can’t tell you the last good decision I made on my own.”
I wanted more of an explanation, so I waited.
“I was young, and my parents had raised me to be a certain way. My whole life I’d been told homosexuality was a sin. And when I met you, I knew there was no way the feelings I had for you were wrong. When my parents split us up, I was too young and naive to realize I could’ve done things on my own. By the time I realized that, I’d lost you and Grayson. The only thing I had left to keep me going was my children.”
“Why didn’t you divorce sooner?” Why was I doling out relationship advice when I had failed so hard at every one I ever had?
“I didn’t want to risk Grayson’s reputation. He worked hard and he always gave me everything I wanted. Don’t get me wrong. Grayson and I have been best friends for years. This hasn’t been a loveless marriage. It’s just been a sexless one. For me at least,” she quickly added.
“Some people have sacrificed more for so much less. Marriage isn’t only about sex. I get where you’re coming from.” I needed toleave this house. I was sliding down the slippery slope of my past and I needed to regroup.
“Sutton, I know I hurt you and I know things are really strange right now, but I never stopped thinking about you.” Parker carefully placed her hand on my knee. The look she gave me was raw and intense. Everything was happening too quickly. I leaned back. My body tingled from her nearness. She was entirely too close and on purpose.
“What are you doing, Parker?” My voice was low. I cleared my throat.
“Do you ever think about us?”
I folded my arms in front of me to add a barrier. “I do. I did. You really broke my heart, but we both have moved on.” Truth would be a splash of cold water and maybe she would take a step back. I wanted her, but I didn’t want the scandal that came with the indiscretion. “I know you are vulnerable right now, but this isn’t real.” I pointed at her and then me several times back and forth to emphasize what wasn’t real. Us. There wasn’t an us. I didn’t want to be an old pattern she fell back into.
She put her hands on my forearm. “I know I hurt you, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I never did. It was like that before we even moved here. When Grayson said the Cheetahs reached out, I panicked. He didn’t know you were coaching here, but I did.”
I stepped away from her. “This can’t happen, Parker. You’re still married and I’m coaching your husband. I honored the secret when we were kids, but I’m an adult now and I’m not going back into the closet for anyone. Not even you.” But fuck, it was hard not to fall for her all over again. But life was scary and hers was quicksand. One bad decision and I would be neck deep.
She took a step back. “So, what happens when I’m divorced?”
I threw my hands up. “Then you’re free to date whomever you want.”
“Anybody?”
“Anybody available. Look, we can’t have this conversation. It doesn’t make sense. We’ve grown so much and we’re probably not even compatible anymore.”
She smirked and I realized I gave away too much. “I doubt that.” She walked over to me and put her fingers on the soft spot above my breast where my heart fluttered like hummingbird wings. “We’ve always had chemistry, even now, but it’s more than that. A part of me is still in here.”
I swallowed hard. It was a big part, but something I wasn’t going to tell her anytime soon. She might’ve realized her marriage was over years ago, but it was still fresh to me. “I’m not entertaining anything until the season is over and the ink on your divorce papers is dry.” She was still smirking at me and I panicked. “Even then, who knows, maybe Ruby and I will give it a shot.”
Her blue eyes narrowed angrily. “You’ve been hot and cold with me. Sometimes you flirt with me, and other times you act as though I don’t matter anymore. Which one is it?”
I felt powerless and weak-kneed this close to her, but I needed to be the responsible one. “We’re different people now. I’m not the same lovestruck teenager that I was fifteen years ago. You made sure of that. You have children, a mortgage, a whole different life.”
