Page 58 of Catch
“Some things never change, Sutton. I know you’re still attracted to me. Maybe we are very different now, but don’t you think it’s worth pursuing?” she asked.
I wanted to succumb to her logic, but I knew if I did, my whole life would unravel and I wasn’t ready to let go. “It’s not fair. You don’t get to live out this avenue of your life and then when it’s dead, jump into my lane. That’s selfish and cruel.”
“I promise that’s not what I’m doing. My marriage has been dead a long time. Seeing you again was no small part of me realizing that.”
She touched my face. I automatically leaned into her hand and closed my eyes for half a second. I wanted this so much. My past and present were colliding and for half a moment, I felt euphoric. Nothing else mattered but right now. I should’ve pushed away when I felt the soft whisper of her lips against mine. It was an invitation. I let my heart have this moment. The image of Grayson and Matt in the other room flashed in my mind and I pulled away.
“I’m not ready to do anything right now. You have to respect that.”
She gave me a soft smile. “I understand, but I hope you’re open to something in the future.”
I didn’t know how I didn’t crumble. Years of hardening my heart and throwing myself into my job came through in the moment I needed it most. “I don’t know what to say. You have to give me time. And you need to get this settled before anything can happen here.” I motioned my finger between us even though I knew the moment she beckoned, I would call. “I need to go. Crowbar’s in the car and I still have films to study. Are you good? Are you okay with Matt here?”
“He’ll leave soon, but yes, I’m good.”
I paused when I got to the front door. “Whatever you do, don’t tell your parents anything. Even when it’s time for the divorce.” I knew in my heart that they would destroy Grayson at the expense of their daughter and granddaughters. “I’m sure they will find out in time, but let’s hope it’s after he’s professionally retired at the end of the season.”
She grabbed my hands. “Thank you. I knew you would know what to do. I’m sorry it had to come out like this, but he was starting to unravel and needed help.”
“I never—” I stopped. We were both extremely vulnerable and emotional right now. Words were only going to get us into trouble. “I’ll talk to you soon.” She hugged me. It felt wonderful to have a selfish moment even under these circumstances. She always felt right in my arms. “Let me know if you need anything.”
She looked tired but also relieved. I was sure she thought the burden was gone, but really, it was just beginning.
Chapter Twenty-three—Scrambling
Past
“You need to get laid,” Hayley said. I elbowed her ribs. She oofed and rubbed her side. “No, I’m serious. Then we can talk about sex and stuff.”
“You’re still a virgin so I don’t know why we need to discuss anything.” I was seventeen and perfectly happy playing football, going to school, hanging out with my friends. I didn’t need any complications. Plus, I wasn’t sure what getting laid really meant for me. Was it penetration? Was it oral? And regardless of what Hayley thought, she wasn’t an expert. She just broke up with her boyfriend because he was fooling around. She got on the pill for him, ready to sleep with him and found out he was hooking up with some sophomore. “You probably need to take all your straight talk to another straight person because I’m not going to be able to help you at all.”
“But you could give my future boyfriends some advice.” She winked slowly at me.
Hayley and I talked about everything. We had for years. We talked about masturbating, how often we did it, what we thought about during it, but when it came to sex, I didn’t share the same enthusiasm she did. She wanted to talk about boys, but I didn’t. “Somehow, I have a feeling you will work it out just fine with your boyfriends.”
She flopped down on my bed. “Isn’t this supposed to be the best time of our lives?”
“Junior year? No. It’s only supposed to be okay. It’s senior year that’s going to blow us away,” I said. I moved my books off the bed and lay beside her. “I have a good feeling about this year.”
She rolled over to face me. “I do, too. I feel this energy around us. Like big things are happening. That’s why you need a girlfriend. A serious one. And I need a boyfriend.”
I held her hand. She was so broken up about Jamie cheating on her that I thought for sure she would take a break to regroup and mend her heart. I was wrong. “Why do you need a boyfriend?”
“To fuck with Jamie. To show him I’m okay.”
I laced my fingers with hers. “Listen, it’s okay that you’re not okay. He did a shitty thing and everyone knows.” Hayley had a great heart, but she hated to show weakness. “Maybe now we can hang out at the mall more or get back to our weekend routine of watching every single sports-themed movie ever made.” I missed her.
“But if you find somebody to date, then we could double date,” she said.
“With whom? You’re not dating anyone.” I sat up. “Or wait. Are you?”
She blushed and looked away. I squeezed her fingers. “What’s happening and why am I the last to know?”
“I like two guys.”
The hetero world was a giant mall with so many options for Hayley. The kiosk of lesbians in my world wasn’t always open and hardly had any options. A cute, perky girl like Hayley wasn’t going to stay single for long. I was probably going to be single until college. “Tell me which ones and I’ll tell you if I approve.”
“Okay, so I like Drew in my Careers class. You know who I’m talking about, right? I think you had a class with him last year.”
