Page 3 of Late Night Talking
Bonnie doesn’t say anything, and when I glance over at her, she’s giving me this look like my dog just died. “Devin, you love Finn.”
I roll my eyes and take a few gulps of water before I answer her. “IlovedFinn. But he went off to London and left me here.”
She shrugs. “You were so happy together. You don’t get over something like that this quickly.”
I send her a mean look. I need her to be on my side with this. “Men like Finn have always gotten what they wanted. Maybe it’s time for him to learn how to cope with hearing the wordno.”
Bonnie grimaces and reaches for her purse. She stands and slides her hand up her skirt to fix her garter before letting her hem drop again. “He already dealt withno, Devin. And so did you. Maybe it’s not about whether or not Finn gets what he wants. Maybe it’s about whether or notyouget whatyouwant.” She turns and rushes out the door, leaving me alone in our silent apartment.
I stare down at the card, flickering in the light of the fire in our fireplace.
What do I want?
I want a man I can trust not to pack up and leave without me. I want a man who can prove that he loves me more than he loves his money and his empire. For a long time, I thought that man was Finn. He didn’t marry Lulu, and I thought that was proof enough. But then he was gone, and I was trying to have a relationship with his voicemail and his text inbox. I never want to do that again.
I pick up the card and walk over to the fireplace. Without hesitation, I throw it in and watch it burn.
Chapter Three
I’m at the register, trying to figure out a tipping error that no one caught from yesterday’s receipts at Lilac when the bell over the door jingles. Breakfast rush ended almost an hour ago, and we’ve been slowing down, but there’s no such thing as an empty dining room on a perfect Las Vegas day like this one, sunny in the afternoon with a cool breeze blowing through.
“Welcome to Lilac,” I say, without looking up. Whoever just came in, one of the girls will seat them. I really should have greeted them with more gusto, but my brain feels like oatmeal. I’ve been staring at these receipts for the last twenty minutes, but I can barely see them. They’re starting to run together in a mushy blur.
There’s a beat of silence. No sound of footsteps rushing from the back to greet our new customer. Nohello, how many?I sigh, feeling the heavy weight of my desire to be anywhere but here today settle on me as I start to move around the counter.
I freeze when I see him. Honestly, I should have expected it. Did I really think that burning that card was going to magically make Finn disappear? He’s sitting at his table, the table that was practically reserved for him for the year we were together. If I worked the morning shift, he stopped by for coffee, and if I worked the afternoon shift, he came by on his lunch break, sometimes with half a dozen suited businessmen in tow. I didn’t realize until after he left for London how much I had come to rely on him being here to get me through the day, the way I would always catch him watching me with those blue eyes as I was helping other tables.
He’s watching me now, his hand fisted on the table in a way that completely gives him away. I’ve given up on trying to figure out how I feel about him being back. Half of me is so angry, I could punch a hole in the wall, but the other half of me wants him back so bad, I can’t think straight.
I march up to his table, almost running right into our newest waitress carrying a tray of entrees for table six. When I’m within hearing distance, I whisper, “Finn, why are you here?” It’s one thing to try and infiltrate my life. But this is where I work. The only thing in my life that currently matters to me. And he has no right.
Finn doesn’t look away from me. He watches me with those eyes and taps his fingers on the tabletop. “To have one of those delicious tuna melts, I thought, but if you recommend I choose something else—”
I have a handful of his shirt sleeve before he can finish his sentence. “Get up,” I sneer at him, and, looking around first to make sure that no one is watching, I pull him in the direction of the bathroom. Of course, Finn is half a foot taller than me and regularly bench presses twice my weight, so it’s less of me dragging him along and more of him agreeing to be led. We need to talk, but I’m not about to take him out onto the sidewalk, where someone is bound to see. People pay attention to Finn now, and the last thing I need is Ethan seeing pictures of the two of us on social media.
I close the door to the women’s room behind us and lock it. When I turn to face him, Finn is a splash of black against the white walls and the white tile floor. He looks almost comical in his designer suit, a bouquet of lilacs sitting in a pot on the counter beside him. It’s easier to stare at the flowers while I speak to him.
“You can’t just walk in here and think that I’m going to jump right back into your arms, Finn.”
He takes his cigarette case from his pocket and lights one up while I wait for him to respond. When the smoke is all around us, I’m almost disgusted by how comforted I am by the smell of it, so sweet and familiar. “We belong together, Devin. You know that.” He says it with such patience, like it’s a verifiable fact.
I shake my head, feeling months’ worth of anger and frustration and grief and loneliness rise up into my throat. “You left, Finn. You went off to London without me.”
I see his jaw work, grinding quietly. “You promised that wherever I went, you would come with me.”
I pace to the door and then back in front of him, a grand total of four steps. But now I’m closer than I was before, so close that I can see the pigment in his eyes. “You promised you would sell the hotels.”
He runs a hand over his face, the tip of his cigarette burning orange between his fingertips. “I had nothing else to offer you.” His voice breaks on the last word, and I watch in shock as he clears his throat. “I wanted to give you a grand life. And now, I have that grand life, and it means fuck all without you.”
His words hang in the air between us, and I can feel something inside me cracking, breaking right in half, something I thought had already shattered into a million pieces. “I couldn’t just leave, Finn. You don’t understand. You never understood. You have your fucking empire and your legacy. When we met, I hadnothing. And then I had Lilac, and for half a second, I felt like I was contributing in some way. I found something I was excited about doing. And you asked me to leave it.”
Finn nods. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave. But I’m not the one who broke it off. I was over there in London, waiting every single day for your calls. They were the only thing keeping me going day after day. And then you broke it off. You’re the one who ended it. Why?” He’s mad now, too, and knowing that he thinks he has the right to be the mad one here infuriates me.
I press right up against him and shout, “Because I was dying here without you!” We’re both breathing hard, and when I speak again, it comes out a whisper instead of a shout. “I thought it would be easier to be alone than to love you from the other side of the world.”
His eyes shift back and forth between mine, and then they drop to my mouth. “And was it?”
I shake my head, not even able to get a word out before his mouth crashes down onto mine. All it takes is one swipe of his tongue, and I’m liquid beneath his touch. I never forgot what he tasted like, but having him here again, it’s like stepping into the sun after living in the shadows. I wrap myself around him, and he hauls me up into his arms before stepping forward and pressing me into the bathroom wall. I shove my hands into his hair and am hit right in the middle of my chest by a wanting so intense, I can’t breathe. And not just physical want, though I’m certainly throbbing in every place my blood can reach. This want goes all the way down to my soul. I want this man in every way I can possibly have him.
