Page 53 of A Matter of Time
Was that why things had never worked out with anyone else? Because I’d never had that same spark with them? Things got comfortable and I got bored. Cam was a lot of things, but comfortable, he wasn’t. He did everything all the way, and he challenged me in both good and difficult ways.
The question came down to: what did I really want? Did I want easy, like I said, or did I want to feel alive?
The decorations arrived at five thirty, followed by the food, and soon, there was another knock on the door. I’d told my family to start showing up at six, so I figured it must be Laura or Billie, or even my parents, but when I opened the door, someone else entirely stood there.
“Am I in time for the party, Sugar?”
~Cam~
Catching Tonia Callahan completely off guard happened very rarely, but I had just managed to pull it off. From the look on her face when she opened the door, I knew for sure it had never crossed her mind that I might show up there that night.
She looked as beautiful as always, her soft blonde hair framing her face and those big blue eyes looking up at me, startled and uncertain, and I was more convinced than ever that I’d made the right choice in coming there. I couldn’t spend one more night away from her, not if there was even a chance she wanted the same thing I did.
“How did you… who told you… what are you doing here?” she stuttered as I handed her the bottle of champagne I’d brought with me and slipped past her, taking advantage of her temporary confusion to get inside before she could stop me.
No one else had arrived yet, but they were clearly expected at any minute. Tonia had done an amazing job of imbuing the empty, slightly run-down space with a cheerful and celebratory atmosphere. Fresh flowers brightened the room, along with balloons and a congratulatory banner. Although the food was still covered, I could smell enough of the barbecued meat and corn to make my mouth water. I’d hardly eaten that day with my stomach in knots about how the night might go. I hadn’t been this nervous about a woman since… well, ever, really.
Never had there been so much at stake.
Since I didn’t know how long we’d have to speak privately, I got right to the point: “I came because I can’t wait until Monday to say what I have to say.”
Conflicted emotions played across her face, some that filled me with hope and some that didn’t, but the fact that she was unsure gave me an extra push, if I needed it. She didn’t seem to know what I might say, so I would lay it all on the line for her so she wouldn’t have to wonder where I stood at all.
“Everyone will be here soon,” she tried to protest, gesturing to the door I’d just walked through. “This isn’t the best time…”
I cut her off before she could make any further excuses. “I know, and I’ll be as quick as I can. I’m not putting it off though. You’re going to hear me out, here and now, and then if you want me to go home so you can be with your family, I’ll go. If you want me to be quick, don’t interrupt. Just let me get it all out. Can you handle that?”
A hint of a smile pulled at her lips for the first time that night. “You know I have a hard time saying no to take-charge Cam.”
Damn it, that didn’t help. Blood suddenly diverted south when I really needed it all in my brain.
I gritted my teeth and did my best to smile back. “Then listen up, Sugar, because I’m going to tell you how it is.”
Her smile got bigger, her lips twitching as I launched into my explanation.
“You sent me away last night because you thought we were being too impulsive, but if anything, I think we’re not being impulsive enough. Instinct made me sit beside you in school. Intuition told me it’d be okay to kiss you out on that dirt road, and pure desire led to that god-awful first time we had sex.”
She couldn’t hold back her grin. “It wasn’tthatbad.”
Selective memory could be a wonderful thing. “Yes, it was. You always said it hadn’t been to spare my feelings, but I was there. I know just how long it lasted, and you’re not supposed to be interrupting, remember?”
She mimed zipping her lips shut as she waited for me to continue.
“Where you’re concerned, Tonia, my impulses have never steered me wrong. It was only when I listened to Marley and went against what my heart tried to tell me that I got into trouble. And ever since you waltzed into my office last week, my heart’s been screaming at me. It’s the reason why I went down to Corpus Christi, the reason I came back with you in the taxi, and the reason why I took you up to my apartment the other night even though every sensible part of my brain argued that it was the surest way to getting my heart broken all over again.”
“I didn’t really give you a lot of choice about that,” she pointed out, and I raised my eyebrows at her, reminding her without words that she’d promised not to interject. Her lips pressed tightly together as she nodded at me to continue.
“I could have sent you away,” I countered. “Believe it or not, I’m not so hard up that I would open my door to any woman who tried to seduce me. I slept with you that night because I wanted to, Sugar. Because I’d been dreaming about it for years, and somehow, it was even better than my wildest dreams.”
Her lips twitched as she fought against her urge to add her point of view, but to her credit, she managed to stay quiet. She didn’t need to say it anyway; even if I wasn’t certain from her body’s reaction at the time, the look in her eyes told me it had been just as good for her.
“I thought I was over you. I really thought I’d moved on, but when Marley kissed me the other night, she said I’d still been holding onto the idea of you.”
“Wait, what?” Tonia’s smile fell away in an instant. “She kissed you?”
“That’s a long story, and not the point.” Bringing it up might not have been the brightest move on my part, but on the other hand, I had no intention of hiding anything from her, not ever again. “The more I thought about it, especially last night after you sent me away, the more I realized she was right: I was never over you because I never completely let you go. How could I, when you’ve had my heart since the moment we met?”
Her eyes went to my chest, to my heart, and I placed my hand over it too.
