Page 77 of Off the Mark
“Sounds like a supportive girlfriend,” she said. “Is this new? You and Charlie?”
I cleared my throat. “Kind of. I’ll be sure to thank her later.”
I didn’t know what the hell this all meant—only that I doubted Steve would make such a large gift after our two brief interactions. I needed to read the email myself, but given how angry Charlie had been on my behalf over the things he’d said, I wondered if she’d gone and spoken to him after all.
Even after our argument.
“Please do thank her. Anything helps when it comes to making payroll this month. And this next part, the bad news, isn’t the smoothest segue but I’m rushing to get Benny on the bus so forgive my awkwardness.”
“It’s all good, what’s up?” I asked, my stomach twisting into knots already.
“You haven’t answered the email that the board sent on Monday. I know it’s a lot to process, and an awful task to give to you, but I need to know that you read it and understand what we’re asking you to do.”
My skin prickled with unease. “The email confirming that I need to fire Dean and Eddie, you mean.”
“Yes,” she said with a sigh. “Elaine was able to sit in on our emergency budget meeting over the weekend, and no matter how many permutations we tried, ourbestoption is eliminating the senior program and those two staff positions. Not permanently. Lord knows we need it right now. But absent an infusion of funding, it’s our smartest option on a short timeline.”
“Luciana, I can’t…I won’t do it.”
“Then I’ll do it,” she said gently. “I’m saying this as respectfully as possible, but we’re not asking. And our decision is final. Hiring Elaine’s replacement will take awhile, which is why it’s falling on your shoulders. But I’m serious about taking it off your plate. I know how close you are with Dean and Eddie.”
I went to massage my left shoulder, as if that was the source of my physical discomfort. “What are all the folks who rely on us gonna do?”
“Elaine’s first suggestion was to direct them to Philly Food Network since they run a similar program for seniors.”
“But they’re out in the southwest when our clients are east of Broad. I’m not having them hop buses for a box of food.”
“I agree it’s far from ideal but it’s the first stopgap measure we came up with. Our top priority, ourmainfocus is to raise the funds to bring our senior program back. But with the numbers we’re looking at, the earliest would be next summer.”
Luciana was right. Even bewildered by all the new reports I was learning to decipher, it was clear that we were completelyfucked.
It was also clear that the cleanest cut would be the food program.
“Rowan, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. We tried, we truly did, and I promise we’ll keep trying.” There was a muffled sound, and she lowered her voice. “As a leader, letting go of staff is one of the most agonizing decisions to grapple with. Resisting it doesn’t make you weak. Having compassion and empathy, wanting to fight to keep them, makes you strong. Even still, I will step in to help you if you need it. Just say the word, okay?”
“Okay,” I repeated, throat tight. “And sorry for not responding earlier.”
“It’s fine, this is a stressful time. But we’ll get through it together.”
Together without Dean and Eddie though.
That didn’t feel liketogether.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I’d ignored that email for a reason, already on edge between my fight with Charlie and the everyday fires I was putting out in Elaine’s absence. Confronting the reality of what they were asking felt impossible.
Luciana’s voice cut through my spiraling thoughts. “Can I ask you one more thing before I go?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“The board thought you would submit your name for consideration of Elaine’s position.”
I went still. “Uh…what? Me?”
“Yes, you. Given the budget situation we’re in, I would understand why taking a leadership role wouldn’t be appealing. Elaine was very clear about you being her successor, and you’ve done an amazing job with basically no preparation.”
“Are you sure?” I let out a dry laugh. “I feel like I’m barely keepin’ us from burning down every day.”
“I warned you about the steep learning curve,” she said with a similar laugh. “From the outside, operations seem very smooth. It doesn’t mean there aren’t changes that need to be made. I would just ask you to consider…now that you’ve peeked behind the scenes, would you want to be part of those changes?”
