Page 67 of Seeking Stars
"She thinks I'm trying to climb that ladder you've talked about, and that I'm aiming too high with you."
He stood again, hands on his hips and face cast down, severe eyes on hers.
"We're people. We're not fucking chess pieces."
"She said she's worried that my career will suffer if these rumors don't die down soon, and that's why I shouldn't be involved with you."
He turned away and took a few steps as if needing to pace but, not having enough room for it, he turned back to face her.
"That's not going to make a difference, is it?" He asked in a low, rumbly voice. "They already made up their minds. They already think we're together."
"Well, it makes a difference to me. I know I've acted professionally."
"They don't care about that," he insisted. "Co-workers sleep together all the time in this business. I had people at the party assuming we were having sex even before all of this happened. Flings are common in Hollywood."
She flinched. "They're not common to me! I have no interest in a fling."
"I'm not saying that I see anything that could happen between us as a fling. I'm saying they already assume we're having a fling. Diana wouldn't have called you, otherwise, and that's what Coulton is thinking too. For what it's worth, he thinks it's good PR; that it'll help with the documentary's promos."
She got out of bed, restless. Her hands trembled as she stood in front of him, and she crossed her arms to hide it.
There was something intimate about standing in front of Liam, both in their pajamas; despite the low cut of her shirt and the limited length of her shorts, she didn't feel exposed physically, per se. Vulnerability reached deep into her.
His eyes were steady on her. "I'd offer to say something on social media, deny the rumors, but that's not going to really change anyone's minds."
She shook her head. "No. Let's not respond to any of it."
"What did Ely say?"
You might as well sleep with him now.
Ana did not repeat that out loud, as clear as she had remembered. Ana had laughed at Ely's joke, but something told her that Liam wouldn't think it was as funny.
"She said that even though I had never planned to be in the flashier side of Hollywood, I was in it now by association and have to deal with it, at least for a while. That after the documentary is over, they'll forget about me when the next thing shows up in the tabloids."
"She's likely right. Although maybe not before they speculate we… that you couldn't take the pressure and that's why you left. Never mind that it was always part of the plan, for you to go away and edit." After a bit, he added, "I'm sorry."
She shook her head. At least her tears were spent; her eyes were dry as she stared at him. "It's not your fault."
"If it helps, you can put it in the documentary."
"What's that?"
Despondency surrounded him like a cloak, heavy on him. He wasn't crying, either, but she thought his eyes were glassy. His lips curled down at the corners, in any case.
"That anyone thinking of being with me will have to cope with this kind of bullshit. That it keeps people away." He lifted a hand to cup her face.
"This isn't about who you are," she tried to explain, unsure of her words, "or what a relationship with you could be like. This is about having the strength to cope with all the bullshit around it."
"It doesn't make a difference. It's difficult to accept that someone I want in my life might feel they can't be with me, because of things that have nothing to do with me; things I have no power over."
She hugged herself. He was right, and it was incredibly unfair. She wished she were stronger and that everything going on around them didn't matter to her; that she were more courageous because a relationship should be allowed to germinate and flourish because of its own nature. Truth was, sometimes seeds fell in the wrong soil.
"All this could go on after the documentary is done," he continued. "If it does, would you ever want to be with me?"
"I… maybe… if..." She frowned, angry at herself, stuck in place.
He nodded. "I understand."
