Page 68 of Seeking Stars
His hand fell from her face. He leaned down and kissed her cheek; she shivered.
He didn't look at her as he left the room, leaving her standing alone.
***
Ana set up to pack her bags that Friday morning with a certain air of fatality.
She had barely seen Liam the day before. He'd only approached her to let her know there were paparazzi outside, in case she planned to go somewhere on her last day. Otherwise, their day had been empty of their friendship and conversations, and full of suspended farewells.
She put all her electronics on the bed, making sure she didn't miss any cables or connectors. She packed them in her carry-on with the same method and purpose she'd followed the first time she had traveled for filming. The last thing to go in the bag was the camera. She held it in her hand, thinking about the past few weeks and the many times Liam had taken charge of the filming. It would make for interesting edits for the documentary. It would also exist there to remind her of how much she had loved her time with him.
Chains of regret and grief twisted and coiled around her ankles. If she wasn't careful, the weight of them would be enough to make her sink.
Instead of getting her computer out and watching the recording of Liam trying to kiss her, again, she put her camera in its case and into her bag. She zipped it closed with a firm hand, as if the pieces latching together could give her a sense of closure as well.
She'd put the first batch of shirts into her other bag when Liam knocked on her door.
"Come in," she said.
As was his custom, he opened the door and leaned on the door jamb. The familiarity of it soothed her, creating a harsh contrast with the weight in her heart.
"Almost done?" He crossed his arms over his chest. He was clean shaven and wore jeans and a gray shirt with three words printed across his chest: Tears For Fears. She wore black jeans and her Duran Duran shirt. She wondered if he'd chosen his shirt on purpose.
"Yeah. It's the good thing about traveling light. My new dress will suffer the consequences though. It's scrunched up in there." She pointed at the puffed-up shopping bag on the floor.
He nodded but said nothing. Silence stretched between them.
"What time is the driver coming to pick you up?" he asked.
"I still have some time. Probably about an hour."
He nodded again. He sat on the corner of the bed, watching her pack. "Any final questions?"
"No more filming, if that's what you're thinking of. Camera's packed. That's done."
"You can still ask questions, if you have them."
Questions? She didn't have any, not until she was in the process of editing but, even if she did, she didn't want to ask anything to do with the documentary. Everything filling her mind had to do with hating going away and saying goodbye.
She didn't want to leave. She did not want to move on and grow far from him. She wasn't ready. She wanted him in her life.
"Well," she began but words got stuck in her throat. She was about to rebel against grief, the shackles of it rattling as she attempted to get free. Determined to find any ounce of courage she could muster, she made herself continue. "Well," she tried again, "I'd like to know if you think we can remain… friends."
Fuck. No. Not enough courage. Not the right kind of brave.
He lifted his eyes to her. "Friends. What kind of friends?"
"I want to… talk. What's— next?"
He frowned. "I have a press tour coming up forSpace Bureau III. After that, I have a week of prep for principal filming of my next movie. Then, principal filming. After that, I have the premiere forSpace Bureau IIIand, after that, I'm working on an ad campaign for a deal they signed me on. The first of a bunch of things that got moved around for this documentary."
Fuck. Fuck! Think, Ana.
"Busy as expected. And after all of that?"
He lifted his eyebrows. "I could share my calendar with you."
"No." She half chuckled, half scoffed. She was wrecking this. "I mean, in life."
