Page 40 of Billionaire Enemy's Baby
I can’t sit still because I’m so excited. I’ve been up and down in my work seat all day long because I’m on edge, waiting for Josh to come in for his usual visit. I haven’t said anything to my parents this morning, even though I know I’m going to have to eventually, but I want to know where we are first. I want to be certain that we’re really going to be together.
Ifeelit, I sense it deep within me, that date was different, it was powerful and we discussed everything that I wanted to talk about.
It was good, we were finally moving in the right direction.
So why the hell isn’t he here yet? Because this is driving me wild.
“Hey there you,” Liss declares as she sashays over to me with a twinkle in her eyes. This is a twinkle I have been seeing all day long.
Damn Josh for asking me out on a date in such a public way. Now I have to field off a million and one questions all day long about how our date went. Of course I’ve had a lot of positive things to say, but the longer the day goes on, the less enthusiastic I feel. Something strange is going on. “So, how was it?”
“Amazing,” I declare, but there’s a hollowness to my voice now. “Absolutely incredible. We had the best time. We had dinner at the Italian place and got on really well.”
“Ooh, exciting.” Liss hands me a coffee and sits by me for a moment. “I thought he had to be in love with you, because he has been hanging around here a lot. I wasn’t sure if that was just because he was back in town or because of you. Seems it was the latter.”
I let out a little laugh, but it’s an odd, strained sound.
Shit, I need to start playing this a little better because I’ll only end up with more questions in a moment. That’s the last thing that I need, more shit to deal with. I also don’t want to be seen as the psycho woman who can’t take one date without losing her mind.
But this isn’t just about the date, it’s about the promise that came with it. The promise, that might not have been verbal but was there all the same, and the promise to meet Mya as well. Sure, on my terms, so not right away, but that doesn’t mean a thing. I still want to move in that direction.
How can he prove himself to be so selfish again?
Surely this can’t be rejection a second time around, right?
No, I’m being a crazy person, I’m overreacting for sure. I’m digging too deep into this because there is so much riding on it. So much. My whole life.
“Have you got any other dates planned?” Liss asks, persisting even if I’m clearly in a state.
“Err, I don’t know. I guess so. I’m sure it will come.”
Liss nods satisfactorily. “Well, I think you make an adorable couple, so I will be supporting you the whole time. I really hope you guys make it.”
As soon as she leaves, I can’t resist any longer. I grab my cell phone and fire off a text message to Josh. I mean, we aren’t teenagers anymore. We’re adults, and more than that, we’re parents. So we don’t have any choice but to communicate. It might be scary and I might not like it, but I need to message him to see what the hell is going on.
Hey, how are you? Missing you today x
I send it before I can spend hours evaluating my words. That can’t be misconstrued, can it? Oh God now I’m reading and re-reading it, and it doesn’t feel right. It feels too needy, too desperate. I groan and shove my phone away so I can’t see it any longer.
I don’t knowwhatis going to come of me and Josh, but I’m hoping that a reply will make everything clear. Perhaps he is trying to sort something out today.
Work stuff or home stuff, I don’t know. But it has to be something. I don’t have to go to the worst-case scenario right away. I’m not quite sure why the hell I’m doing that.
It’s annoying.
I try to focus on work, I really do, but my head is all over the place. I’m jumpy, every single time the door dings, I jump up as if it’s going to be him. I’m sure I must have all eyes on me. Everyone must be gossiping and wondering what the hell is going on with me.
Shit, I’m making this far worse than it needs to be.
I have to sort myself out.
It’s been a while and I still don’t have a reply from Josh, so he really must be doing something. I know one hundred percent that I shouldn’t dial his number and press the phone to my ear, but that’s exactly what I do.
I’m out of control, I can’t help myself.
This definitely doesn’t help though. If anything it makes it much worse because the call goes through to voice mail. Either he’s ignoring me or he has something so important happening he can’t even give me a moment of his time.
I feel ill. I can’t cope with the terrifying feeling that this is actually rejection, that things are over between me and Josh before they even got started. The last time that Josh left me, we were teenagers with no expectations. There was nothing serious between us and he was going to London, just as I was supposed to be headed to LA with Emily. But now everything is different, life is so much heavier, his promises to me were serious.
