Page 28 of Rogue
I know better than to protest this time. He’s made it clear that he will do as he pleases. Taking my hand in his again, he opens my fingers, lifts my hand to his lips, kisses my palm, and then places it back on the table, lacing our fingers together.
“Tell me what you want, McKenzie.”
I shake my head, certain I can’t put into words this hunger I have for something I didn’t even know existed until him. “I don’t know.”
“Okay. Let’s start with what you do know. Last night, I was rough. I took you hard, manhandled you a bit. How did that make you feel?”
That’s easy. “Excited. When you were so sure, so decisive, it didn’t leave any room for me to have any doubt or insecurities. I liked that you took what you wanted. And knew what I needed.”
It was a sharp contrast to Bryce, who’d constantly asked if I was okay or if I’d come yet or whether he should continue.
His smile warms me all the way to my toes. “Sometimes I like to be tender, but other times, I’ll want to take you hard and even mark you.” The fact that there will be other times sends a thrill racing through me. He takes a sip of wine. “And when I spanked you?”
I’m silent, embarrassed to admit how it had turned me on. But he’s adamant in his silence, patiently waiting for me to claim what I want, to find the words for my newfound need.
“It made me wet. Needy. It made me want more.” I make my confession, my voice ragged.
I put my hand on his thigh, as if I can transfer some of the strength in the solid hardness of his muscles to me. I am so out of my element. I try to divert the conversation away from the feelings he evokes in me. “I don’t understand. Why is this on Liam’s list?”
“I didn’t know your brother, so I can’t say for sure, but it fits with the type of life it appears he wanted and the way he lived. The way I live. And the way I think you want to live.”
“Go on.”
“It’s for people who crave intensity, people who want the fullest experience possible, in how they think, how they feel, what they do, and how they love. That’s how I am. I want more. I want to live life to the very edge where I feel alive, not complacent. For me, that comes from being in control, from taking a girl to that space where need, hunger, desire, passion, and anticipation all come together, and watching her react to that. And most of all, knowing I made it happen.
“I want to take you there. I want you to let go and let me take you to edge of the abyss, so close that you can glimpse the dark depths, while trusting me to never let you fall. I want you to have no limits with me.”
No limits. It seems impossible. And completely wonderful. “I want that, too.”
The sun has disappeared, leaving a trail of stars behind, and without speaking, we slowly walk back to our room. My heart beats faster with every step that takes us closer to the villa, and everything the night holds. Upstairs, he closes the door and takes me into his arms, and I practically sag with relief. When I’m this close to him, the steady sound of his heart beating in time with my breath, I feel protected and secure. It doesn’t make sense really. What I’ve agreed to, what I’m about to experience, is quite frankly scaring the hell out of me, although I’ve never wanted anything more. But ironically, what scares me is coming at the hand of the very person who makes me feel the safest.
In a moment of clarity, I see how it works. I can give myself freely to him and surrender to whatever he wants precisely because I trust him, and because he makes me feel safe. There is no one else I could have done this with but the strong, silent man standing before me. All the crazy things on Liam’s list have simply been stepping stones to get me to this. Overcoming my fears to accomplish them has made me stronger, braver, and finally able to reach out and grab the life I’ve always wanted but been too afraid to claim. A life of surrender, abandon, and fulfillment. And I’ve been waiting for this one moment, this one man, to set me free.
