Page 50 of Defying Ella
Well, asked was a relative term. He expected only one response, so could it actually be classed as a question?
“Sure.”
Jared chuckled. “It’s fine. I know the truth.”
I shook my head, laughing at him despite myself. “Watch the ego, Buttercup.”
Jared turned onto his side and his softening gaze roamed my face. He flipped a switch from teasing to serious in less than ten seconds, leaving me reeling. I kept expecting him to speak. But he just smiled for a good couple of minutes.
“What?” I asked, my voice hitching.
“Nothing.” He reached out with a shaky hand to push my runaway brown hair back.
“I don’t believe you.” I smoothed the intense frown line between his brows. “That says you’re thinking very hard.”
“Alright, fine. I probably shouldn’t tell you this.” He chuckled as he rubbed at his eyes. He cupped my cheek and nerves started to babble inside my stomach. “I tried to pretend I wasn’t feeling this for months. That it was all just in my head. Me wanting something I couldn’t have.”
He stopped, chewing his lip. Before he’d opened his mouth, I didn’t need to know, but now, now it would eat at me if he dangled a secret carrot in front of me and took it away.
“What are you saying, Jared?” I covered his hand with mine and tried to look encouraging… whatever that meant.
“Being with you always felt, feels, better. More intense, more purposeful.” He leaned forward, pressing his foreheadagainst mine while his hand smoothed from my cheek down to my side.
We were already miles from everyone, secluded in the psychical sense. Somehow with that tiny movement, he made me feel like we were two kids hiding in a wardrobe or under a bed from some imaginary monster. It felt incredibly private and personal.
“I couldn’t figure out why that week felt so different. I knew it while I was in your flat, but I thought I was just being weirdly sensitive.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Then I put the,”—he gave me a pointed look—“ manwhore mask back on and went about picking up any woman who fit my old type.” His palm dragged up my side while his green gaze focused on me with intense concern. “I felt like filth, for the first time since I was a teenager. Playing a role for the sake of fitting in.”
“But you don’t feel that way with me?”
I felt oddly on edge. Old expectations screamed that he would smirk at any moment and take it all back.
But neither of those things happened.
“I’ve never felt that way with you,” Jared whispered.
He shuffled closer and threaded his arm under me, urging me to rest my head on his chest. His heart beat steadily beneath my ear, not the erratic, panicked sound I’d expected.
“I don’t have to wear any mask with you,” he said, his voice low and raw. His fingers smoothed through my hair. “It’s surprised me how much I needed that, so thank you, Sparky.”
“Anytime, Buttercup.” The words were barely audible thanks to the emotional lump blocking in my throat. Still his grip tightened for a second, making me believe he’d heard me.
I never expected to fall asleep in his arms again.
I never expected I’d do it with a smile on my face.
I never wanted it to stop.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
One cold shower later, I emerged from the stairwell to a soundtrack of cursing and idle threats. With my teeth sunk pretty deep into my cheek, I approached a growling Jared with caution. He stared down at a pot on the stove with absolute concentration and determination.
“Combine, you bastard. Or it’s the bin for you.”
“Is that a sign of insanity?” I settled against the island, forcing my face to remain neutral. No lips twitching with amusement here.
“What’s a sign of insanity?” Jared glanced at me over his shoulder, a scowl fixed to his lips. So much for the orgasms lightening his mood.
I held my hands up. “Nothing at all. Ignore me.”
