Page 79 of Defying Ella
For his sake, I nodded. I didn’t believe a word of it. I’d given him two chances and he’d hurt me. Nothing said this time would be any different.
“How about we wait and see what happens, yeah?”
“Absolutely,” he whispered, before his head lowered and he claimed my lips.
My breath caught and for a second, I stood there, frozen.
You should push him away.
I didn’t. My eyes fell shut and I kissed him back. I hoped he’d be able to overcome his issues, but for my own sake, I need to be careful. That didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy the feel of lips against mine.
One last time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Amonth later.
“I don’t understand it,” Mel said. She cradled her mug of tea with furrowed brows. “You said he apologised. We’re certain he’s into you. Dan thinks he probably loves you. Why has he gone quiet now?”
“Uh-uh.” I waved my hand at her. “Don’t want to hear any of that.”
“That may be so but they are the facts, Els.”
I put my mug down on her kitchen island, the L word circling my mind on repeat. Phoebe sat on the rug behind us, happily playing with her dolls, oblivious to the serious expression her mother levelled at me. I’d never been on the receiving end of Mel’s stern looks. It made me squirm in my seat.
“Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t.” I shrugged. “I’d rather focus on the things I can control. Jared isn’t one of them. My acceptance to Cardiff Met, the TV job Alys got me that starts next week, or what I’m going to eat for dinner. Those are things I can control.”
“You’re telling me you haven’t wondered about Jared’s silence once in the last month?” She arched a brow at me.Even if I said no, she wouldn’t believe me, so there would be no point in lying.
“Of course I have. I’m weak.” I shook my head. “That doesn’t mean I need to act on it, ask incessant questions or give him room to break my heart again so soon.”
“Wait! You got accepted for the teaching course?” Mel’s serious expression morphed into one of absolute joy before my eyes. She grinned at me. “That’s amazing, Els.”
“Way to give a girl whiplash,” I muttered beneath my breath. “I know! How about we focus on that and not the absent drummer?”
…whose kisses I couldn’t exorcise from my dreams.
“Running from it isn’t going to do you any good.” She reached for my hand, plastering a soft smile to her lips and letting her worry shine through.
“I’m not running from it.”
“If that were true, you would have taken his apology at face value and Dan wouldn’t be fussing over keeping Jared away from the flat when you’re over.”
And that would explain why I hadn’t seen Dan that much in the last month either.
“I don’t know what you want me to do, Mel.” I dragged a hand through my hair, losing the battle to keep my frustration inside and not directed at my sister. “You want me to take Jared for his word, believe his apology but not believe him when he said he’d come back to me when he was ready?”
“Okay, yeah that would be rather contradictory.” She chewed her lip and hung her head. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to miss your chance.”
“I appreciate you want to look out for me.” I patted her hand. “Really I do, but I had my chance, twice. Neither of them ended well. Even if therapy works, even if he sorts himself out and actually tries again, I don’t know if I could trust him.”
Not that I expected to hear from him.
The first few days after I saved him from the club bathrooms, I expected at least a text. Maybe a ‘thank you’ or a ‘sorry, I was drunk’ message. Instead, I got radio silence. I spent enough of my energy being open to Jared, or making excuses for him. This time, he needed to do the work.
“I understand,” she said, her voice subdued. “Just promise me one thing.”
My eyes narrowed on her while my mind raced to figure her out. With her bizarrely arguing for both of us, I failed.
