Page 75 of Lucas & Melissa Falling in Love
Chapter 26
Ishould feel like a whole new person, like I’m living in an alternate universe, but the minute I step into Margo’s penthouse it feels like my trip to Italy was a dream, as though it never really happened or it happened to someone else.
Most of all it feels like Lucas is someone else. Someone I don’t know. A part of me very deep down still feels the connection, can’t let it go. The rest of me feels confused. I set my bag down in the front hall, the same bag I’d left with, containing the same clothes I left with. I couldn’t take any of the new clothes I’d bought in Italy home with me. It didn’t feel right.
I hear Margo’s screech of welcome before I see her round the corner and rush to me with open arms. I gladly fall into her embrace and hug her back. Sighing deeply, a wishful thought of maybe going home and hugging my parents swims in my head, but I dismiss it as childish.
And I am not a child anymore. I need to stand on my own.
Even if it is without Lucas. A sharp pain stabs me through the heart. I put my hand on my chest. Maybe I’m having some kind of attack, some kind of anxiety. I’ve heard about it, but it’s never happened to me. I’ve always been too together, too in control for that.
Iwillget my life under control again, but it has to be on my terms. Not Lucas’s terms.
When I let go of Margo, I back up and slip out of my coat. Walter, the butler, comes from nowhere like he always does and takes my coat and bag from me. I aim a grateful look at him, but I don’t even know if he sees it as he disappears to deliver my things to the guest room. I refuse to refer to it asmyroom, the way Margo does. “Tell me everything,” Margo says. “Start at the beginning.” “The most important thing is that Lucas reconciled with his family, with his father. Everything else, all the details,” I wave my hand, “well, it’s so complicated.”
“Come have a drink. Sit down. You have time. You’re not tired yet, are you? It’s only eight o’clock. What am I saying? Of course you’re tired. I guess we can wait till tomorrow to talk.”
“I’ll have that drink,” I say. “Not sure how much I’ll be talking, though. Everything is a jumble and I don’t even know where to start.”
Margo takes my arm and leads me to the bar. It’s scaled down now from its giant holiday-party-night proportions to normal, everyday proportions. The giant display of bottles is missing. George, Margo’s husband, is nowhere in sight.
“Where is George? Guess I’ll have to get my own drink.” I don’t mean to sound like all he’s good for is bartending, but heisa helluva good bartender.
“He’s out with Will . . .” Margo trails off as if bringing up George’s cousin is somehow in bad taste. But my short stint with dating with him is the only thing in bad taste on my part.
“I hope Will has forgiven me. George too.”
I take a bottle of promising-looking scotch from the top shelf, fill a glass with ice, and pour generously. I look a question at Margo and she shakes her head. Then I remember that she and George are trying to have a baby. I sigh deeply. Somehow that thought brings everything home to me, makes everything that I don’t have loom big and black. And Lucas, the smell of him, the sight of him, the feel of him, fills my head.
“That’s right. You have to behave,” I say. “No more drinking for you for a while.”
“I’m hoping this is it. I’m two days late.” Margo has that beaming sunshiny, light-up-the-universe look on her face. It’s the kind of glow that shines through, real true deep-down happiness, the kind I want to have some day. If I can ever find it, if I can never figure out where I come from, figure myself out. I don’t know that my happiness is going to come from getting married to a billionaire and having a baby.
I always thought it would come from me becoming a billionaire by my own talent and hard work, and I truthfully never thought about babies. Although I always thought about having a hot billionaire by my side. Double billionaires. Of course, Lucas and his too-handsome sculpted face and hard body have to take over my mind again.
Is he always going to torture me? Is he going to stay in my head until I chuck him or until I let him take me and carry me off to Italy never to be found again except maybe at the racetrack?
“Quick work, Margo. Or should I give George the credit? I’m not that surprised.”
Margo laughs. “No surprise there. What George wants, George gets. Every single time.” She has that silly hopelessly-in-love smile embedded in her face. It’s part of her now. George is part of her now. They are inseparable.
And I’ve been jealous of that, longing for that, haven’t I?
“Where’s Lucas? I’m surprised you’re not staying with him,” she says, still with that goofy smile.
“He was surprised too. But all my clothes are here. Besides, I’m exhausted. And I have work first thing in the morning.”
“And he bought that explanation?” She squints her eyes at me, clearly not buying it.
I shrug. “It’s true.” That’s all I have. Let’s face it, I havenoidea what I’m doing anymore. I just want to be in control of my life.
“I need some separation from Lucas,” I continue, knowing that my saying this will disappoint her because I know she’s convinced he’sthe onefor me. After all, I was the one who convinced her of it on New Year’s Eve, when I’d had a few. Maybe a few too many. “I want to be accomplished. I want to earn my own money, earn my own way, and have the love of my life alongside me with his own life and his own accomplishments. Maybe that’s too much.”
“No, it’s not. You’ll have it,” Margo says, confident as always in the world cooperating with her wishes, even though she’s experienced more hardship than I have, losing her parents.
Never mind the world, will I ever have control of my life if I share it with Lucas? I know he wants me to be part of his family’s empire. Can I step into the role and not get lost, not lose control?
“I don’t know. All I know is that I need to report to my job at the bank tomorrow morning.”
