Page 74 of Lucas & Melissa Falling in Love
The tightening in me climbs again, making me squirm. I sputter and bury my head in his shoulder as I feel the clenching start, but he lifts my chin so he can see my face. I stare into his eyes and clamp my mouth shut, holding in the scream of release as the spasm wracks me again, and then again, as his fingers play over my clit as only a skilled sculptor could.
As I’m panting and squirming, Lucas pulls me in and kisses me. It’s a tender kiss. My mouth trembles under his as he murmurs, sliding his fingers from the folds of my pussy.
We finally separate and I’m breathing heavy still, trying to get my breath, trying to get my head back into reality. He raises his fingers, wet with my juices, and draws a deep breath. I can smell the scent of my own sex and it causes another small spasm as my face heats up.
“My God, Lucas.” I bury my face again and this time he lets me. Placing his hand at the back of my head, he strokes my hair, threads his fingers through it, and murmurs those Italian words of love that I’ve come to expect, the ones that comfort and thrill me at the same time.
It occurs to me he must have a raging hard-on and that I should cure him of it. I reach my hand down to touch him again through his pants and he grunts. He clamps his hand over mine to keep it still, to keep himself under control.
“Mia bella, I appreciate your, uh, gesture, but we’re pulling up to Margo’s building now.” He sucks in a breath and I look up at him, hesitating.
“Did you change your mind?” he says. “Do you want to come home with me?” He’s so hopeful it breaks my heart, but I take my hand from him, square my jaw, and ignore the tightening in my chest, hoping it’s not a mild heart attack.
“I can’t. I need to get myself together for the bank tomorrow.” Caressing his cheek, I lean in and press my mouth against his, surprised at my own fervor, my need to kiss him like I’ll never see him again. It burns out as soon as the limo stops at the curb. I sit up straight and face him with real regret.
“I need to stay at Margo’s tonight. Regroup. Assimilate everything. Besides, I’ll see you tomorrow night,” I say.
“We can go apartment hunting together next weekend.”
Fresh off a mind-strangling orgasm, I’m tempted.
“Does it have to be in Brooklyn?” I wrinkle my nose, knowing he’ll be amused.
“No. Not Brooklyn. I’ll need to live in Manhattan, closer to the business hub. We can get something nice.”
“In a doorman building?” I can’t help thinking about Roy, about my old super-chic apartment. But I squash the notion. If I move back there with Lucas, and not on my own, it’ll spoil the victory. I shake my head, not sure what I’m saying no to anymore.
He raises his brows. Then he nods, but I see the coolness descend over his face. I’ve seen him look at his father that way, but it’s the first time it’s been directed at me. I feel a sense of loss and a shiver of panic runs through me. Maybe I’m pushing him too far.
I touch his arm.
“We both have a lot to think about, to do,” I say.
“You’re right. But I wanted to do it together, Melissa. That’s the whole point ofus.”
I stare, fear creeping in from somewhere, and I have no idea what I’m afraid of.
He opens the door and helps me from the car. We stand on the sidewalk in front of the building while the driver gets my bag.
It’s dark and I’m glad because I don’t want Lucas to see that I’m afraid, can’t let him see me vulnerable on this point. So I lunge forward and kiss him on the way to the door. Not a light peck. Another one of those desperate kisses, as if my life is depending on turning him on.
The stakes seem high and I can’t tell if the desperation is all in my head, if the pull to make things work with Lucas is right or if the pushing him away so that I can be independent is the source.
He kisses me back, but not as passionately as I’m used to, and he ends it before I’m ready.
“Do you want to come up? Say hello?”
“Another time. We’re both tired.”
We stand there staring at each other for a few painful beats of silence. I want to say something more, but I can’t find a quip anywhere in my sex-addled brain. My poise is a fickle thing these days, ever since I met Lucas, the night I became homeless. Pulling my thoughts together, finding some backbone or pride or whatever, I know I can’t rely on Lucas to solve my homelessness.
“Tomorrow night. Seven p.m., then,” I say.
He nods and I smile. His return is that same sad smile I’ve received only once before. It was the day I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore because he was a nobody Uber driver. I didn’t use those words at the time, but I might as well have.
As I enter Margo’s building and pass the doorman, I almost laugh at myself. Ishouldlaugh, since my judgment about Lucas was laughable.
I hope I’m not making the same mistake now. I hope I’m not wrong about his patience and willingness to let me take some time. As I ride up the elevator to Margo’s apartment I blink away tears. I amnotgoing to cry. There is no reason to cry.
