Page 59 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
We arrive at the apartment, and I walk in, not looking at anyone as I walk down to my room and shut the door. I hear Madeline asking Tanner a million questions, but for once, I don’t actually care. I don’t care about anything except Ethan, and if he doesn’t make it, I don’t know if I’ll ever breathe freely again.
I can’t imagine a world without him in it.
I just can’t.
I get into the shower and wash again, still feeling like his blood is sticking to my skin, to my hair, to my soul. Even though I showered earlier, I don’t feel like I’m clean. I scrub and scrub until my skin is red-raw and then I get out, drying myself and walking into my room, not bothering to get changed. I climb into the bed naked, roll to my side, and flick off the lamp.
I lie there for what seems like hours, and I wonder if my body has shut down on me. I wonder if maybe it’ll never come back to life. My tears feel like they’re dried up, my heart feels numb, my brain isn’t working. I close my eyes, my body exhausted and yet I can’t find sleep.
I think about Ethan.
I remember the first time I met him, how he was this light in a place I never thought I’d find light. How he made me feel like I could survive. I remember all our chats, all the books he used to bring me, and how we’d laugh for hours over the craziest things. I remember how he made me run when I got out of prison, and how he refused to let me sink.
How determined he was to make me get my life back on track.
I don’t realize I’m crying until I hear a loud wail that couldn’t possibly be coming from me. When another one fills the room, and my body trembles, I realize it is in fact me, and I can’t stop it. My wails grow louder, and I clutch the blankets, praying for them to stop but they won’t.
A few minutes later, the blanket moves and a hard, warm body gets into the bed and pulls me against it, rolling me until my chest is buried into a familiar chest. I keep wailing, clutching the man who always seems to show up for me, no matter what we’ve been through. I love him so much it hurts, because through all the pain, we still manage to pick each other up.
He fixes things in me that he broke, and yet he somehow puts them back together stronger.
He’s the very reason I keep fighting.
I clutch him and cry until there is nothing left, and when I’m doing nothing but hiccupping with an occasional sob, does he say, “I’ve got you. We’re goin’ to get through this.”
How can we get through this, when he’s with someone else?
Someone who is not me.
Someone who is probably a million times the person I am.
How?
How do you get through that?
“If he dies …” I sob.
“You have to have faith, Callie. Keep prayin’, keep asking for a damn miracle, but don’t you give up on him. He didn’t give up on you, even when he probably should have, don’t you give up on him either.”
“He didn’t deserve any of this,” I whisper.
“No,” Tanner agrees, “He didn’t.”
I tip my head back, even though I can’t see him, and I can feel his breath against my lips, he’s so close. I want him, so bad. His body is pressing to mine, his cock against my belly, and there isn’t a single thing in the world except Ethan waking up that could make me feel better right now.
I shuffle closer, knowing I’m playing with fire, but needing comfort almost more than I need my next breath. His mouth is so close, and his cock jerks as my naked body rubs up against it. I take the plunge, closing the gap between our lips and kissing him. He responds, just like I knew he would. He kisses me with a ferocity that I’ve never felt from him.
I gasp for air a few times, he’s kissing me that deeply, and breathing is proving difficult after all the crying. It only makes it seem that much more passionate. I cling to him, wanting every part of my body to touch his. I want him inside me, I want every piece of him in my soul.
Our kiss becomes so frantic I can’t think, our hands start moving, caressing each other’s bodies, and then my leg goes up around his hip and he pushes his cock into me. The moment he sinks in, I whimper and break the kiss, loving the way it burns around me. Loving the way his entire fucking presence makes me feel alive.
“Tanner,” I breathe, as he starts rocking his hips, dragging his cock in and out of my body, bringing me a pleasure I never thought I’d be able to find right now.
