Page 14 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
I exhale and put my head in my hands.
Just when I thought it was over.
Just when I thought I might finally be free.
Just when I thought I could finally breathe.
Just when I thought it would all be okay.
I find out it won’t be.
It’s so far from okay.
It’s all starting again, only this time it feels much, much worse.
Damn you, Fate.
You sadistic bitch.
I STARE OUT THE WINDOW of the truck as it moves down the highway, all of us sitting in dead silence. I thought this trip home would be filled with the sensation of freedom, but it’s filled with nothing but fear, and guilt, and regret. It’s filled with the unknown. I was meant to be bringing Chase back to face his actions, and I am doing that, only I’m bringing back so much more, too.
Chase is coming back with us, after spending a week in the hospital. He’s doing better, and much to his dismay, is coming back to tell the truth. It seems … I don’t know, empty now. Like it no longer matters the way it used to. We thought it would let Celia rest, but instead her demons are going to chase us down until they finally meet with us again.
We don’t know when that will be.
All we know is that it’ll happen, and it’ll change our lives.
I haven’t spoken much to Chase. Mostly, we make eye contact and so many unspoken words pass between us. Everything else has been so hectic, it has been hard to find the right time to sit with him and ask the million questions I want to ask. He avoids me if we’re ever alone together, and I get it.
I do.
I’d be scared, too.
He’s riding with Tatum, mostly because Tanner stares at him like he wants to rip his throat out. He blames Chase, for all of this, and he wouldn’t be wrong. If Chase didn’t do what he did, none of us would be in this mess right now. We wouldn’t be wondering when a fucking gang is going to come and seek their revenge.
We’d be free.
God only knows where we’d be, probably happy, with Celia still alive and everyone having never met and never gone through this.
I glance at Tanner
He’s staring out the window, not saying anything, I mean, what is there to say, after all? We’ve all spoken until there are no more words to speak. We all know the fate that awaits us. It could be years, months—either way we’re going to have a war on our hands soon that we’re unlikely to be able to fight. That’s terrifying. On so many levels.
“Are you okay?” I ask him.
He shrugs, his big shoulders rising and falling. I glance back at Ethan, who is asleep in the back seat, his hands resting beneath his cheek. Poor Ethan didn’t deserve to be dragged into all of this. He has a good career, a good job, this isn’t the kind of thing he should be putting up with.
“Are you thinking about what’s going to happen when he gets out of prison?” I ask, even though it’s pretty clear Tanner doesn’t seem to want to talk.
“Yeah,” he says, his voice low. “Thinkin’ about how the fuck we’re gettin’ out of this with our lives in check. It’ll end in blood, and I don’t like blood. I’d rather have clean fuckin’ hands. Could have done this smarter, but we didn’t, and now we’re all fucked.”
I swallow and nod, looking out the window. “Maybe there will be a way to hide, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
My idea is pitiful, at best. I know there is no hiding, and even if we did, they’d track down our families and get us out of hiding really, really quickly. Especially considering they’ve got revenge in their minds. They know that we know, they’re not going to forget that anytime soon.
“Already told you there is no way of hiding. We gotta face this, I’m just tryin’ to figure out the safest way to do that.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my smile weak and pathetic. “If it wasn’t for me, none of this would be happening.”
“Wrong,” he says, his voice hard. “If it wasn’t for Chase, none of this would be happening. I’d love to serve him up to them, make a deal, finish this once and for all, but Tatum will never let that happen.”
“You can’t expect him to want to give up his brother, you wouldn’t—”
Tanner’s jaw ticks. “Never said I did expect that from him, but Chase should be the one who takes the blunt end of this, considerin’ he’s the one who got Celia killed.”
Celia.
Her name still brings prickles to my skin.
“All I wanted was for Celia to rest in peace, the way she should. I never wanted any of this.”
“Can’t always get what we want, Callie. Things always go south, gotta know that by now. In the end, though, we’ll get what Celia deserves, we just have to take the long way around to get it.”
