Page 15 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
The really fucking long way.
“What do you think is going to happen when we get back home?” I ask.
He laughs, bitterly.
“You think we’ve got a war with that gang, then you haven’t yet faced a family who has been hurting for so many fuckin’ years, who are about to find out not only is the girl who hit their daughter coming, but the man who made her want to die in the first place.”
My stomach twists, a violent, angry feeling deep inside.
They’re going to hate me.
They’re going to hate Chase even more.
And why shouldn’t they?
Why the hell shouldn’t they?
7
JOANNE
I’m glad to be home.
I’m glad to have escaped that nightmare.
I’m glad that we have Chase and we all somehow made it back alive.
I’m not glad that we have a gang after us.
Or that I have to face Patrick.
Or that I don’t know what the hell to do with my life from this point.
I’m lost and confused. I don’t know where to go from here.
I made the choice when I was locked away in that basement to leave Patrick and start again, but in doing that, I’m going to create yet another war to add to the one we’re already fighting. I’m not sure I’m ready for it, but I do know I can’t live a single second more in a relationship I’m not happy with.
Plus, there’s Tatum.
The man who saved my life, who has been there when I didn’t think I could go on, who makes my heart flutter in ways I’ve never felt. He’s the man I shouldn’t want, but I do. He’s the man I can’t have. He’s the man that makes me see my world in a different light. A light that doesn’t seem so damned dull.
I’m not ready to face the music, let alone dance along to the tune.
But I have to.
I have to lace those dancing shoes up and get out there.
“You good?” Tatum asks, as I stare around my apartment which I haven’t seen for a few weeks now.
“Yeah,” I whisper softly, flicking on a light.
“Want us to stay with you?”
I shake my head, not looking at him. “Callie won’t be far behind us; she’ll be here soon. I’m okay. You should get Chase home to rest, he’s had quite a time.”
“It’s only goin’ to get that much worse for him soon.”
I turn and look at Tatum, who is standing in my doorway with my bag in his hand. His other hand is bound with a bandage because he fractured a few of his fingers. It could be worse, though. He could have broken them like we thought. He drops my bag, his eyes on mine, and so much passes between us my breath hitches and I try so hard to stuff the feelings back that threaten to rise up and spill out. My heart calls to him, and yet my brain knows damn well that’s a bad idea.
“He’s got a lot to face,” I whisper, staring into Tatum’s eyes.
“Yeah, and it ain’t goin’ to be easy.”
“No, it’s not.”
For a moment, the air between us gets thick, and I find myself unable to rip my eyes from Tatum’s perfect face. The way his cheeks fill out and narrow down to that gorgeous mouth, or the way his eyes are framed with those thick lashes. He’s perfect in every way someone can be perfect. Even bruised and battered like he is, he’s perfect. I swallow and, noticing it, Tatum steps forward, so much passing between us.
His hand comes out and tucks a strand of stray hair behind my ear, making my heart go absolutely crazy. I can’t think. Even when he steps a little closer, his body pressing against mine. I won’t lie, I’ve thought of this moment a thousand times, I’ve even tried to justify why it would be okay to just let him kiss me, to pretend I’m not married and I don’t have Patrick in my life.
But I’m not heartless.
I’m not Patrick.
I can’t do that.
So when he leans toward me, his mouth so close to mine I can taste his masculine breath, I whisper, “Please don’t kiss me. If you kiss me, I won’t be able to turn back. I won’t be able to say no. I won’t be able to fight it any longer. I’ll forever blame myself for being the woman that cheated while she was married. I can’t be that woman, Tatum, even if every ounce of me is screaming to just let you do whatever you want. So please, don’t kiss me. I don’t have the strength to stop you anymore.”
His eyes hold mine, scanning my face, and then with a lot of hesitation, he steps back, cupping my jaw in his big hand and murmuring, “Leave him, Jo.”
Then he drops his hand and turns, walking out.
I press my back against the wall and exhale a shaky breath.
