Page 112 of Tight Ends & Tiaras
I shake my head, hating that I don’t feel close to him, but I don’t know what to do. When I get my emotions under control, I whisper, “I’m stressed out, and I feel like you’re distant.”
Deep down, I wonder if this has to do with Cal. If he said something to Ben. Because ever since that fight, Ben’s been different. That emotional wall he’s always been known for seems back in place, and I don’t know how to scale it. It’s possible this is about his coach, but he’s not interested in discussing football with me in any depth.
He sighs and presses his face against my neck. “One of my classes got switched. Without it, I can’t double-degree. Getting my degrees is the whole reason I didn’t go for the draft. And if that gets fucked up, then what the hell am I doing? I barely see Lily, and that shit fills me with guilt. I don’t know how Janelle can just run off to Dallas and never bother to call and see if she’s okay. Just... I’m really fucking overwhelmed.”
Fierce relief spreads through me. He hasn’t shared this kind of stuff with me in weeks.
I run my hand through his hair, and he groans as his head rolls back. He loves when I do this. “You’re doing your best. This fall is your chance to set up your and your daughter’s situation for life. That’s a lot of pressure.”
My heart goes out to him. He works so hard. Since classes started, he’s been absolutely slammed. After school and practice, he spends a little time with Lily, gets her ready for bed, and then he hits the books.
“You’re doing great,” I whisper as I kiss his strong jaw. “Just keep your focus, and all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place. I know your coach is an ass, and he’s not being fair with you, but you still dazzle out there on the field. You make everything look effortless. NFL teams are going to see that.”
Even with the little time he played in the scrimmage last week, he looked magnificent. And I’m not being biased. That ESPN reporter and his camera guy noted how well Ben played and wondered why he wasn’t being utilized more.
“Thanks, sunshine. I appreciate the vote of confidence.” He gives me a smile, but his eyes still look distant.
We watch a movie, but he’s asleep before it’s over. I curl up next to him and hope that everything I just told him comes true.
Because I don’t know what will happen if it doesn’t.
