Page 31 of The Outpost (Jamison Valley 4)
His feet ground to a halt. “What?”
“It might be for the best. I’m in way over my head here and there’s only so much hiding out I can do. Eventually, I have to return to civilization.”
“You really hate it here that much?”
“No! Not at all.” Surprisingly, that was the truth.
Sometime in the last month, I had grown to like my little outpost home, especially when Beau was around. But he couldn’t stay with me forever and, at some point, I’d have to face the dangers waiting for me in Seattle.
The corners of his mouth curled up. “I’m glad to hear it. So why would you want to leave?”
“I don’t want to be a burden.” It was cathartic to say that out loud.
I had grown accustomed to relying on no one and standing on my own two feet. My successes had come from my hard work. My failures from my shortcomings. My independence was a huge part of my self-worth. Now that it was gone? I was struggling to find myself.
And I hated being at the mercy of another person.
My aversion to dependence was probably the reason why I’d never had a successful long-term relationship. When it was just me, I wouldn’t have to worry that someone else would let me down. Janessa had let me down when she’d killed herself, and besides Felicity, I hadn’t let someone else in that fully ever since. Except Beau.
He was sneaking past my weakened defenses. My reliance on him was pushing some of those personal limits I’d come to rely on to keep from getting hurt and maybe that was a sign I needed to leave.
“You’re not a burden, Sabrina.”
“I need you for everything. That is the definition of a burden.”
“No, the definition of a burden is a heavy load. Nothing about this feels heavy to me. I’ve told you before, I don’t mind. You know how much I love it up here. And spending time with you is fun. Well, when you shower.”
I smiled at his tease. “Eventually, you’re going to want to get back to your life.”
“Forget about me. What about you? What happens when you go to the FBI?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Witness protection maybe?”
“Witness protection? You’d have to say good-bye to your friends and family. You wouldn’t even get to be you anymore. That’s the life you want?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure I have any other choice.”
My throat tightened at the thought of never seeing my family again. Never getting to hug my mom or standing on my tiptoes to kiss my dad’s cheek. And I’d have to say good-bye to Felicity. I wouldn’t get to be a part of her wedding or meet the babies she and Silas would someday create.
In my time at the outpost, I’d come to see things more clearly. Panic and stubbornness had disguised it earlier, but my choices were limited.
Eventually, I’d say good-bye to Beau and this mountain valley. Sabrina MacKenzie would be no more.
My life would end, whether the Federovs killed me or not.
“Just . . . chill out, little dude,” Beau declared. His easy tone was such a departure from the dark thoughts in my head it shocked me, and the words “chill” and “dude” sounded hilariously out of place coming from Beau’s serious face.
“ ‘Chill out, little dude’? A phrase I never would have expected you to say.”
“It’s Maisy,” he grumbled. “She says it to Coby all the time and I guess it rubbed off. Anyway. What I mean is, relax. You’ve only been here for a
month. Give it more time. In a few more months, the Federovs might be locked up for good and you can go back to being Sabrina MacKenzie, superhero reporter.”
I grinned and sighed. “Okay.”
He was right. It was too soon to know how this would all shake out.
We resumed our walk, silently strolling further into the meadow. My head started churning again, this time thinking about my career. Beau had called me a superhero reporter. Was that who I still was? Could I even be a reporter anymore?
