Page 115 of The Clover Chapel (Jamison Valley 2)
The drive to Nick’s was tense and stressful. What could I have possibly done to make him mad? Was it the cleaning? He had offered to help, otherwise I would have been happy to do it myself. It didn’t make any sense that he would be mad, but I still got that dreaded sick feeling in my stomach.
He pulled his bike into the garage while I parked and waited for him at the front door. His long strides around the side of the house and up the steps were done without eye contact.
“What’s wrong? Why are you mad at me?” I asked when we were both inside.
He stomped to the living room and reached behind his back and under his coat. From the waistband of his jeans he pulled out a manila envelope and waved it in the air.
Shit.
He had found the divorce papers. Probably when he was going through my mail. Why hadn’t I thought of that?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
It was time for this discussion. Overdue, really. I just wished I hadn’t been a coward and had brought it up myself. I might have stood a chance at keeping Nick from getting enraged but there was little chance of that now. I could practically see the heat radiating off his body and the steam coming from his ears.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about those.”
“Why?” he asked. “Why do you have these? Tell me it’s just because your attorney doesn’t know that we are together.”
“Will you let me explain?” I asked, sitting on the couch. “Sit down. Please.”
He huffed but sat.
I’m sure there were better approaches to this conversation, and had I been the one to bring it up, I would have tried one. But now it was too late so I decided to get straight to the point.
“I think we should get a divorce.”
He shot to his feet. “You’re fucking shitting me!”
“Please sit down so I can explain my reasoning.” I was trying to remain calm but my voice cracked.
“I’m not fucking sitting down. Why? You said you wouldn’t leave me because I didn’t have money. Or because of my family. So, why?”
“I’m not leaving you,” I said. “I just don’t want to be married.”
“That doesn’t make any fucking sense. How can you not be leaving me if you want a divorce?”
“I want to stay together. To keep dating. You’ll be my boyfriend.”
“Your boyfriend? We’re not sixteen years old!”
“We’ll still be together, Nick.”
“And what? We date forever?” he asked.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. We date like other couples. If we decided to get married again someday, we can. This would just be a fresh start for us. Like hitting the reset button.”
“A fresh start? What and the fuck do you think we’ve been doing since you moved here if it wasn’t starting from scratch?” He raked his hands through his hair and rubbed his face.
“I don’t feel like we’re married,” I admitted.
“What?” His hand rubbed his heart and the look on his face cracked mine.
This was not going at all like I had hoped. Yes, I had expected Nick to be mad. But hurt? I didn’t want to hurt him.
“How can you not feel like we’re married, Emmy?” he asked. “Did that night in Vegas mean nothing to you that you’d throw it all away?”
“That night meant everything to me! Everything! I want to get rid of the nine years after that. That’s what I want to throw away. Nine years of us being apart. Nine years of heartache. Nine years of you fucking other women. For nine years, I pretended that maybe one day I could settle for someone else because the love of my life had crushed me.”
