He threw the napkin she’d given him into a trash can. “Not all of us are like you. I can’t cover for him like you cover for your mom.”
Tess stopped walking again, this time on purpose. “What do you mean?”
Benjamin tipped his head back and cursed under his breath. Like he’d said something he shouldn’t have.
And a sour taste formed in her mouth as she repeated, “What do you mean?”
Benjamin cursed lightly again and drew her toward the edge of the sidewalk, out of the flow of traffic.
“Look, Tess, I wasn’t going to bring it up….” He folded his arms defensively. “But I’m the kid of an alcoholic too. I recognize the signs. She’s tired all the time. Forgetful. And, oh yeah, she’s got her kid basically doing her job every morning—probably because she’s still in bed with a hangover until at least ten or twelve.”
That was exactly where her mother was. Everything inside of her curdled. She’d never talked with anyone about her mom’s problems. Never even put a label on it. So to have this Greek god of a boy pointing out all the things she’d worked so hard to cover up…
“I have to go!”
Tess walked away, blind to the direction. It didn’t matter. She just had to get out of there. Shame washed over her in waves of heat that made her feel like she was broiling inside.
“Tess, wait!” he called after her.
She was a big girl. She always had been. It didn’t matter where they lived in the world. But she became a track star to get away. And when she spotted a group of people gathered for the parade, she made a beeline for it, disappearing into the crowd and ducking into a shop that sold lingerie all meant for women at least half her size.
“May I help you?” a saleslady asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
So that was how Tess ended up walking by herself down the main road back to camp on one of the hottest days of the year so far, with a pair of lacy bobby socks she didn’t need inside a bag labeled “Gloria’s Fine Lingerie.” She had to be presenting quite the weird picture.
But that still wasn’t enough to make her stop when Benjamin pulled up beside her in her mother’s van.
Unfortunately, Benjamin’s arm was long enough for him to reach across the seats and roll the passenger window down. “Thank fuck, there you are. I was looking all over for you back on Court Street!”
“I’m good where I am,” she assured him. “Just go on without me.”
“C’mon, get in the car. I’m not going to leave you out here.”
“It’s not that much farther.” Just six, maybe seven miles—underneath the roasting sun. But she’d had a big breakfast. She could make it.
Out loud, Tess said, “Just go on without me. I want to be alone, please.”
“Well, I don’t want to be alone,” he countered out the passenger window. “I’m pretending to be this cool jock, just like Donovan and everyone else on my hockey team. But I’m alone. At school. Even here. You wanna know the real reason I came on this trip? Why I’m not at home taking care of my dad? Because I knew he’d get drunk and decide to whale on me for looking too much like my mother or thinking I’m too good for him or whatever crime he decides I’m guilty of when he’s drunk off his ass and looking for somebody to hit. And I want to be a nice guy, but I’m not nice enough. I’ll beat my father to death if he ever comes at me again. And that’s why I’m here.”
Okay, well…The angry steam inside of Tess evaporated as fast as it had built up.
She paused walking.
And Benjamin eased to a stop beside her. “Get in, please.”
No more arguing. Feeling much chastened, she climbed into the passenger seat.
“I’m sorry,” she eventually managed to say after a lot of mental What would a good Christian do? fretting. “I didn’t know your situation, and I shouldn’t have judged you before I had the whole story.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m so angry and pissed off. And when I saw you were in the same position, I just assumed stuff I shouldn’t have.”
He rolled his eyes at himself. “Sometimes I forget that alkies are all special snowflakes. Not all of them are like my dad. And the thing you’ve got going with your mom—it works. The mission’s doing great. Good job.”
“No, we’re not in the same position,” she agreed, keeping her eyes straight ahead on the road, even though she wasn’t the one driving. “I was helping my mother, who never got over my father’s death. She would never hit me. But, um…”
She swallowed a heavy lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. “Those feelings of rage and resentment when you’re trying to be nice. I’ve felt that. I want to help my mother. She deserves my help. But it’s so hard to keep everything going sometimes. It always feels like we’re on the edge of disaster. And I’m studying so hard to get into a good school. But the truth is, I have no idea how I’m going to go to college. I can’t leave her alone, and who knows where God’s Work will send her next….”
The tears came without warning. And the next thing she knew, Benjamin was pulling the van over to the side of the road. Down the little path that led to the lake just outside of camp.
