He cut the engine and yanked his seatbelt off. Then his arms were around her, warm and comforting.
Tess had gotten a lot of hugs in her life. Hugs were a big thing with Christians, especially the dedicate-their-lives-to-helping-others kind.
So it meant something when she finally drew back and told him, “Thanks, that’s the best hug I’ve ever gotten.”
He laughed. “Me too.”
They both let out a cleansing sigh.
But Benjamin didn’t let go. And she knew she was pretty emotional. But it felt like the air was thrumming between them.
“Benjamin….” She said his name quietly. And her voice became even more careful when she formed her next question: “We’re friends. Just friends. Not anything more, right?”
Benjamin immediately drew back from her and dropped his arms.
Wow, there was her answer. To both her question and the unspoken one she didn’t know she was asking. What is mortification?
The answer was this. This was embarrassment and shame so absolute, it needed its own separate word.
“I’m a nice guy….” he started to say.
And as it turned out, fight or flight was a very real thing. Without any formal decision-making at all, Tess turned in her seat and prepared to bolt out the door like an animal running from a T-Rex.
But this time, Benjamin caught her by the arm before she could get away. “Hold on, Tess. What I’m trying to say is, I’m a nice guy, and that’s why I can’t lie to you.”
Tess shook her quickly. “You don’t have to…”
“I’m your friend, but I really want to kiss you right now.”
Tess went completely still. Did he just say what she thought he said?
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you all summer,” he said, as if answering her unspoken question. “And that’s the real reason I kept getting up early—why I had my brother Amazon Prime me all those books I saw you reading. I like you. I really like you.”
He liked her? Tess didn’t know what to say. She could barely breathe.
But somehow Benjamin looked even more scared than her when he asked, “Can I? Can I kiss you?”
CHAPTER 18
PERSEPHONE
I pulled the trigger. Not once. But six times.
I’d lain in the dark for hours before that. My whole body vibrating. Not just because I’d never committed an act of violence in my life. But also, from the aftershocks of my unexpectedly passionate first time.
I’d thought it would be just sex. I’d thought he’d simply plow into me from behind, like he had with all those girls I’d seen him with before. I even visualized not crying because I knew it would hurt.
I hadn’t expected him to take such care with me. To gather me in his arms afterward, like I was a precious gift. Not just some pawn in his game of revenge.
I’d gone back and forth with myself for so long. But when I saw the thin shafts of morning light peeking over the horizon, I knew the time for debating was over.
If I didn’t do it now, I’d never work up the courage to do it again.
So, I’d extracted myself from his hold and reached for the gun I’d hastily dug out of his desk and hidden beneath my pillow while he was getting ready in the bathroom.
His eyes popped open as soon as I cocked the gun.
And there was a moment of hesitation on my part.
