Page 104 of Storm
It was the last thing I ever wanted. Yet the only thing that seemed right for both of us in the end.
On my last sentence, Aariz abruptly left me. I heard his sharp intake of breath, when I had whispered,
‘You are scaring me.’
Now I could see his shocked eyes swimming with immense hurt in them. I had broken his heart. But wasn’t it exactly what I wanted? Then why did I feel the pain too?
I ran out and did not stop running until I was on the road a few blocks away from college. That’s when I exhaled my first breathe and bent on my knees to gulp some air. To let out my cry...To pour some tears.
I thought my tears had dried up from crying since past couple of days. But I was wrong. I cursed myself over and over as Aariz's hurt look flashed in front of my eyes. I knew I couldn't ignore him forever. This had to end. But it couldn't in the way he wanted. We couldn't have our happy ending. It was impossible.
If I wanted to stay in this college, I needed to end it amiably. But the question was how, when just looking at him all the words died in my throat. How would I say to his face all those things I wanted to?! No, I don’t want to. I have to.
With just my trying to ignore him, he was breaking apart right in front of me, I wondered what would happen when I finally....
My inner conflict came to a halt as a car stopped beside me with a screech.
Aariz stared at me as if he was in no mood for any crap. He looked dangerous with his grip tight around the stirring wheel.
“Get in the car.” His hard voice came from the window as he glared at me.
“No thanks, Sir. I’ll be fine. Thanks.” I muttered hurriedly and started to walk away when I heard a loud bang behind me.
I turned to see Aariz had gotten down from his car, shutting the door mercilessly behind him.
“Stop right there Sani!” He yelled angrily as if not caring who saw us.
I had no way to stop him. I feared I might do what I had planned to and crush his heart or he would give-up on me after the way I behaved with him. He would end it. Either way, I would lose my heart.
Aariz came to stand just a step away from me, with clenched jaw and a formidable look on his face.
He threw his hands in the air,
“What the hell is wrong with you? Unless you don't tell me how I would know why you are upset with me?! Please tell me Sani. Is it me or there is some other problem?”
Aariz clasped my shoulders shaking me, “Did you have a fight with your friends? Just tell me damn it! I have a right to know why the hell you are avoiding me.”
He shouted in my face. But his tone did not sound like it had anger in it, rather it was longing. Extreme longing.
Keeping my gaze on the road and mustering all the courage I could, I spoke in a small timid voice,
“I'm sorry. I know you’re right. You deserve to know everything. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have avoided you. Instead, I should have clearly told you...”
“Told me what Sani?” He asked desperately, cupping my face.
I kept my focus on the road and gulped down a sob before answering him
in what I hoped was a firm enough tone,
“The thing is I don't like you that way. I don’t have any feelings for you at all. I have never had them. I just thought I did. But I was wrong. There is nothing like that. In fact, I think we have both made the mistake. You also thought that you love me. But it’s not so. We barely know anything about each other. This is not love. Please forgive me for hurting you like this. I really am very sorry. You should start your life afresh with someone you would love for real, and who could love you back the same way. But I'm not that someone for you.”
While saying all this I did not even glance once at Aariz's face.
Aariz's hands had fallen from my sides while I was talking. He was still silent as I finished.
Wiping off the fresh tears that betrayed me on his silent acceptance of my words, I turned to leave.
Suddenly, I felt a pull on my arm and in another second, roughly jerked to a hard chest and caged in the firm grip of arms.
