Page 80 of Imperfect Match (Imperfect Match 1)
Willow is so damn sure of me that she refuses to break or bend. “That’s where you’re so wrong. All I want is you. All of you. I want the good, the bad, the ugly and the wonderful parts. I want to wear a white dress and walk to you. I want to have a part of us growing inside me. I want to show you how you are nothing like your father. You are kind, compassionate, and you have the greatest capacity for love.”
My heart breaks. Everything inside of me is tight because I see the resolution in her eyes. She wants this. No matter what I say or do, there is nothing that will change. Willow wants her family and that includes a child. And now she thinks it should be me who fathers it. But I can’t give her the one thing she wants, no matter how much I wish it.
Fuck.
“You want to believe that, but I could never love a child, Willow, because I was never loved as one. I don’t even know what that looks like.”
She wipes the tear. “I would show you.”
I laugh once. “And I would show you a monster. I won’t do it. I won’t have a kid. I won’t marry you. I told you all of this and you didn’t believe me.”
“Then that’s that? There’s nothing that will ever change your mind?”
“No.” I can only control this.
“I always knew I wouldn’t get to keep you,” she says as she clutches her stomach. “I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt when our time came.”
She’s being irrational. I have to find a way to get through to her, because this doesn’t have to be the end. We can still be together now—she just has to delay her baby plan.
“Why does this have to end? Why can’t we work it out? When the hell are you having this kid?” I know I’m going in circles now, but the finality of this is eating me alive. I’m desperate for some kind of option that buys us more time together.
“I can go next month to get started.”
“Next month!” I shout. “No! You can’t do this, Willow. You can’t go next fucking month. Just give me six months. A year. Then … then, I don’t know. We’ll find a way to be together through this.”
Willow takes a step back and releases a half-laugh. “How would that work, Reid? What possible scenario do you see where this is salvageable?”
“I don’t know, but it has to be.”
She wipes another tear from her face. “Okay, let’s talk about it. I want a baby. Do you?”
“No, the Fortino bloodline has to end with me and Leo.”
“And what about marriage?”
My mind reels as I try to find the words to make her understand why I don’t want to ruin us by getting married. But all I say is, “I love you, Willow.”
“You love me, but you don’t want to get married, and you don’t want to have a baby. So, basically, you want me to be a permanent girlfriend?”
“I want you to … to be … in my life,” I stammer. None of this is coming out right. “There is no one else that matters to me like you do.”
Her eyes pool back with another round of tears. “But I don’t matter enough, right?”
“This isn’t about enough. This is about me not being able to be a husband and father, but not wanting to give you up. I love you too much.”
She nods. “So then you’ll be okay with me having a baby on my own in the next year or so, using a sperm donor? You understand that becoming a mom is what I’ve always wanted, and if you can’t give it to me, another man will provide the thing I want most in this world?”
Fuck no. “No. I know that makes me sound like a caveman and whatever, but I can’t stand the thought of another man inside you in any way. I can’t watch ... I can’t see or ... think about that.”
“So where does that leave us?”
There’s a loud ringing in my head right now and I’m ready to lose it. She knows why. She heard the stories, and that wasn’t even the half of it.
My gaze is locked on Willow, the woman I love more than anything. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, and makes everything better. My entire world is a better place because of her, and I would destroy that if we got married. The darkness that my family possesses would tarnish her.
What about when we fight and more of my father becomes prevalent? What then? How will I ever live with myself knowing that I came from a man like him and ruined her? I can’t have a baby, because the cycle will continue.
Another male Fortino to further distort the world.
