Page 81 of Imperfect Match (Imperfect Match 1)
No. No fucking way.
“I won’t have a child. I don’t want to get married not because I don’t love you but because I do love you.”
She closes her eyes, letting a tear slowly drip down her cheek. “I know. I know that’s what you think at least.”
“But you asked me anyway?”
“I gave you the only option I could think of to keep us together.” Willow’s voice is low. “You can’t handle me having another man’s baby, no matter how clinical it is. But you won’t have a baby with me, or give me the things that I want and need, which leaves us here.”
“Where is that?”
Her hand lifts as she runs her fingers through my hair. “At the end.”
“Willow,” I say quickly and step back. “Why can’t you give us more time?”
She laughs once. “Time for what? Time to drag me along, make me fall further in love with you, while you wait me out until I can’t have kids?”
“No, I want you to have what you want. Of course I do.”
“You just won’t be the man to give it to me.”
Jesus. She doesn’t get it. “You don’t really want it to be me. You can’t want what my mother has lived with her whole life! I won’t do that to you, Willow. I won’t allow you to become a shell of the woman you were because I’ve drained the life out of you. I won’t make my kids deal with the hell that comes from having a Fortino as a father. And … fuck, I know I’m not being fair to you,” I say as the fight drains out of me. “But I’m asking you to be happy with what I can give you, take me for who I am.”
The realization hits me like a brick—I’m my father. I’m selfish and unforgiving. Here I am, standing here, begging her to love me unconditionally, but not willing to love her the
same way.
“You are not your father, Reid. One day, you’re going to see that. I see that.”
If only that were true. I’m him in many ways, she just doesn’t see it. I was groomed by him to be a complete replica. My job, my life, was all laid out for me, and while I might have walked away, his blood is still there in my veins.
“You see hope for change where there’s none,” I tell her.
“You’re wrong. But you know what? I can’t fix this. I can’t force you to see yourself clearly, and I refuse to give up everything I’ve ever wanted.”
I start to pace, desperate to find something to make this situation different. She has to understand it’s not about keeping her from what she wants, but about protecting her from what would come.
“Willow, please, just listen to me.” My heart is racing. I see the goodbye. I know exactly where this is going. “If we can just stay like this, we’ll be fine.”
“No, we won’t. I’m always going to know there’s an expiration date. You can’t want that for me.”
I don’t want any of this. “Give me a year.”
“And then, what, Reid? Huh? Then you walk away?”
“I don’t know!” I yell and grip the back of the chair. “I don’t know, but I can’t fucking lose you, Wills.”
She takes a few steps back. “You can’t give me what I want. I can’t give you what you want, and staying for a year or two, or even a few days, is going to lead to the same result.”
“You knew this. You knew how I felt about marriage and kids. You knew I couldn’t give you this! Now I’m the bad guy?”
Her head shakes and tears keep falling, each one slicing me open. “You knew what I wanted too. You knew before we ever slept together that I was going to have a baby. We both entered this relationship with eyes wide open, but thinking ... God, I don’t even know what I was thinking.”
I do. I know exactly what it was. Like every other woman alive, she thought she could change a man. However, that couldn’t happen here because I will never hurt her by doing what I know would only injure her. “I guess that’s it then.”
“I guess that’s … you guess that’s it? It’s that easy for you?”
“None of this is easy, but I can’t change your mind and you sure as hell can’t change mine.”
