Page 48 of You for Her (The Edge of Retaliation 2)
“Stop talking and walk with me.”
He doesn’t give me an option, he takes my hand even though I try to tug it away, and he walks me down the sidewalk and then over a few crossings until we reach a park. It’s nighttime now, so the small park is only lit by streetlights. Tanner walks us over to a huge tree and then he points to the ground at the base of it, where the grass is thick and lush. “Sit down.”
I sit, only because I’ve had a few too many to drink and sitting seems like a far better idea than standing. I sit down, the cool grass pressing against my legs as I nestle in and get comfortable. It’s quiet here, no people rushing past, no cars. It’s strangely peaceful at night. Tanner sits down across from me, so we’re facing each other. I don’t know how he comfortably places his big body down, but he does.
He’s so god damned beautiful under the moonlight.
“What exactly is it you brought me here for?” I ask, my voice a little snippy.
“Today, when I nearly hit that woman, I realized something,” he begins, ignoring my snappy comment. “I realized that we’re humans.”
“Great detective work there, boss,” I mutter. “You should consider changing your career.”
“Just stop, Callie, and listen,” he orders, his voice a little ticked off. “We’re humans. As humans, we fuck up. We make mistakes. I took my eyes off the road, because I was angry. I was angry and I shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of that truck. I nearly killed that old woman. One second, one single second more and she would have been hit. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to fuck up, but I did. I made a mistake. So did you. You made a mistake that night. You took your eyes off the road, no different than I did today, except you weren’t so lucky.”
My throat feels tight, and I stare at my crossed legs, my eyes burning. I have cried all of my tears today, yet his words make it seem like I could find a few more to push out.
“You were young. We’ve all been young. You did somethin’ stupid. We’ve all done somethin’ fuckin’ stupid. You killed my sister, but you didn’t do it intentionally. You made a mistake. I didn’t want to see that, because that meant I had to face what was really fuckin’ goin’ on, and that’s the fact that my sister was hurtin’ and I wasn’t there for her. It’s so much fuckin’ easier for me to blame you, but today I realized that I was nearly you.”
Oh, god.
My throat is so tight I can barely breathe. My heart is pounding. My hands are clammy. Hearing him say these words … I didn’t truly realize how much I needed them until this very moment. Until this very second.
“I’m sorry,” he tells me, his voice genuine, so genuine I want to scream and cry and yelp with joy all at the same time. “I was wrong. I was fuckin’ wrong in what I did to you. I never should have put you though that. I didn’t know your story; I didn’t even try. It wasn’t your fault, Callie. Celia’s death was not your fault. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and you made a mistake.”
I swallow and make a pained wincing sound.
“It was my fault,” I whisper. “Today you realized that we’re only human, but today I realized that I need to take responsibility for what happened. I didn’t intend to hurt Celia, no, but I could have pulled that car over. I could have made better choices. You were right in calling me selfish. I was selfish. I was so worried about getting justice and clearing my name instead of just accepting the fact that I got what I deserved.”
Tanner is silent for a moment, a long long moment. Then, his voice, in a tone I’ve never heard, fills my ears and my heart. “Celia didn’t want to be here anymore. If it wasn’t you, Callie, it would have been someone else. You’re not selfish. You’re not a monster. You’re not a killer. She couldn’t breathe, she decided it was time to drown.”
His voice cracks, and I look up just in time to see a tear roll down his cheek.
My heart explodes.
I can’t take it a single second longer.
I launch at him, throwing my arms around his neck. The moment our bodies collide, he loses it. His huge body trembles and he starts to cry. I’ve never experienced a grown man crying, especially not a man like Tanner, and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because I know that he’s dying inside. I know that something is making him hurt so badly he can’t stop it. Nobody deserves to feel that way.
