Page 67 of This for That (The Edge of Retaliation 1)
His eyes widen and he growls, “Someone attacked you?”
“Tanner, I’m okay. Please?”
He nods, and I step past him and walk inside. We walk to his room and when we’re in, he closes the door and turns to me. “You’re freezing. Wait here.”
He disappears into his closet and comes out with a jacket, handing it to me. I sit on the end of his bed, thanking him softly and wrapping myself in the jacket, then I glance at him and my stomach coils tightly with nerves at the realization that I’m going to have to confess the worst part of myself to him, and when I do, he may never want to see me again.
I can’t hide anymore, though.
I have to tell him the truth.
“I have something to tell you that you’re probably going to hate, but I need you to know it, Tanner. I need you to know so you can judge for yourself whether I’m worth your time or not. Please, hear me out, and then you can say what you need to say, or ask questions, okay?”
He nods, grabs a chair, and pulls it over, sitting on it and facing me.
“I was sixteen when it happened. My parents had split up. My father abandoned me, and my mother cared only about herself. I was rebelling, I suppose you could say. My friends and I decided to take my mom’s car and go for a drive to the lake. We thought it would be super fun.
“During the drive there, one of my friends spilled a drink on the floor of the car, a bright, colorful, alcoholic drink. They all started freaking out, and so did I, to be honest. Mom would kill me. I wasn’t drinking, nor was I speeding, but I turned around and reached back to find the can. When I looked back up . . .”
My voice hitches and I drop my head, taking a shaky breath and trying to steady myself.
“There was a girl on the road. She . . . gosh, she was so beautiful. But so broken. Time stood still; it really felt like everything happened in slow motion. She looked at me, and she gave me this smile, this look as if to say she was sorry, and then she stepped out onto the road. I didn’t brake fast enough, and I . . . I hit her. I hit her, and I killed her.”
Dead silence.
I don’t dare look up at him, terrified of what I might see.
“Everything after that was a blur. I was charged and sent to a juvenile detention center for five years, and prison for one. Involuntary manslaughter. Nobody believed me when I said she stepped in front of that car, nobody, but she did. Everyone claimed she was happy, and bubbly, and had no reason to hurt herself, but I know what I saw. I looked right into her eyes—I still remember how beautiful they were. She was so broken, something broke her enough to push her to step onto that road.”
I take a shaky breath and continue. “I served my time, and I got out. Since I’ve been out, someone has been bothering me. That’s what has really been going on. Someone wants revenge—the problem is, they don’t understand that I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it, Tanner. I’d never intentionally hurt another person. I’ve thought about her every day for the last six years. I’ve punished myself so heavily nobody could possibly punish me harder, but I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
I look up and Tanner is watching me. There is a look in his eyes that doesn’t quite make sense to me. If I could guess, I’d say it was confusion. What has he got to be confused about? If anything, I expected to see horror, not this.
“Tanner?” I whisper. “Do you hate me?”
He stands, running his hands through his hair. “I gotta go.”
He hates me.
Oh God. I knew he would.
“I’m sorry, please . . .”
He looks at me. “It’s . . . I’m sorry, I need to clear my head.”
Then he’s gone.
Just like that.
I’ve lost someone else.
“ANY WORD FROM TANNER?” Jo asks, staring out the window of our car as we park across the road from Celia Yates family’s house.
“No,” I say, staring at the beautiful, big home. She would have loved growing up here—anyone would. “No, nothing. I told him everything and he just ran out saying he needed to clear his head. I know what that means. He’s horrified, and why wouldn’t he be? He just found out I have blood on my hands, and I’ve been in prison.”
Jo looks to me, her face soft. “I’m sorry honey.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter.”
It does matter, though. My heart aches. I didn’t realize I had come to like Tanner so much. I didn’t realize I had wanted it to go so much further. I thought he’d get it, maybe not understand it, but get it. Surely he knows I’d never hurt someone intentionally? I’ve thought a million times over in my head how it must feel to hear something like that from someone. I’ve pictured myself in his shoes. I’ve tried everything to put myself on the other side.
