Page 66 of This for That (The Edge of Retaliation 1)
No.
No.
No.
“Please,” I beg, my voice trembling and broken. “Please let me go.”
“How you’re feeling right now is how she felt moments before you took her life. Now you understand. Now you feel it. Now you get how fucking terrified she was. Should I end your life, too?”
I say nothing; I just clench my eyes closed and sob.
Maybe I deserve to die.
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe this is the justice I should have gotten from the start.
My whole body shakes, and I wait, I just wait for him to pull the trigger and end my life.
I’m so afraid I have to swallow the vomit that rises in my throat, but I don’t fight. I don’t beg. I just keep my eyes closed and I wait.
I wait to die.
He leans in closer, and into my ear, he says, “I’ll make sure the rest of your life, you feel exactly like this. I’ll make sure you never rest for what you did to her. I’ll make sure you wish you were never born. I won’t end your life, killer. I’ll drive you to end it yourself.”
Then he lets me go and in moments, he is gone.
I stand against the car, crying, terrified, and unable to move.
Then I sink to the ground, put my head in my hands, and I scream.
I scream for her.
I scream for me.
I scream for everything.
25
NOW – CALLIE
I stare at her headstone, reading the beautiful poem carved into the gorgeous marble. There are fresh flowers and a few teddy bears by her grave. It’s a lovely sight, warm and cozy. You can tell that her family adored her; you can see it in the effort they’ve put into this area for her.
I’ve never come to visit her, never wanted to truly face what I did.
But here I am, by her grave, on my knees in the dark night, ready to face her.
Ready to talk to her.
Ready to tell her what I should have told her a long time ago.
This should have been the first place I visited. It wasn’t.
She should have been first on my list. She wasn’t.
“Hi.” I croak, my voice shaky from all the sobbing I did on the way over here.
After what happened tonight, I know I have to find answers, once and for all, but mostly, I owe it to Celia to come here and talk to her. More than anything, I owe her that.
“I should have come a long time ago,” I whisper. “But the truth is I was afraid. I was scared of what facing you would have done to me. I was scared that it would break me. You deserve me to be here, though. I have so much to say to you, Celia, but I don’t know where to start.
“I didn’t even know you. I don’t know what you were like, or the sort of person you would have become, but I do know that when you looked into my eyes that night, I saw something. I saw pain, and regret, and something that had broken you so deeply you stepped out in front of my car.”
I take a shaky breath, rubbing my face with my hands, and continuing, “I don’t know what happened to you, but I swore that I’d find out, and I will. You deserve someone to fight for you. You deserve that. Mostly, you deserve me to tell you how sorry I am. I’m so sorry, Celia. If I was paying attention, maybe I could have stopped myself in time. Maybe I would have gotten out of that car, and we would have talked. We would have become friends. Maybe you would have told me why you were there that night.”
A tear runs down my cheek, and I hiccup softly. “Maybe I could have saved you. I can’t save you now, Celia, but I can get you the justice you deserve. I’ll find out what happened to you. I’ll find out if you were hurt, and I’ll find out who hurt you. I really wish you were here now, so I could tell you this in person, but I can’t. It’s too late. So, I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I will make sure you rest in peace, Celia. I promise you that.”
I run my fingers over the cold stone, and then I push to my feet, straighten my shoulders, and take a deep, shaky breath.
I’m ready.
I’m ready for this to be over.
I know just where to start.
26
NOW – CALLIE
“Where have you been?” Tanner asks, staring at me. “I’ve been callin’ you.”
“Something happened tonight,” I whisper, my hands still trembling. “I need to talk to you, Tanner. There is something you need to know about me.”
He studies me, really taking me in, his eyes scanning over my body and narrowing. “What the fuck happened to you?”
“Someone attacked me. Someone has been bothering me since . . . Can I come in? I need to talk to you, start from the beginning.”
