Page 39 of Pretend You're Mine
Sure enough, half an hour later, I was sitting at the dinner table with Teren, Mom, and Dad. Although usually it was a sometimes-enjoyable/sometimes-annoying must for me, this time I actually welcomed the distraction. No way did I want to sit at home and have the situation between Xander and I go through my head like a broken record.
This time I was just happy for my mom’s home cooked meal, even if it was just the usual roasted rosemary chicken and garlic mashed potatoes. Teren was there too, although I was able to avoid his knowing stare by focusing on my food and answering whatever question my parents shot at me. Everything was going fine until my dad asked, “Things still a-ok with you and Xander?”
I contemplated the lace edge of the tablecloth, throwing a speckled shadow onto my leg.
“Seems like you found a good one,” Mom said before I could even start thinking of an answer. “Even if he’s not Christian.”
That cracked a smile out of Teren. He patted me amiably. “And there you have it; you two may go to hell, but you’ll have a good time getting there.”
“Teren,” Dad scolded, although he was smiling. They may have been conservative and intense about church, but they did have a sense of humor at least.
I thought they’d leave it at that, but now that my dad had found a subject that he was particularly interested in, he intended to chew the cud for as much as it was worth. “You two really made the most of the bake sale, trying all the samples, dancing up a storm. Even if you didn’t buy any of Reginald’s fanny packs.”
“Did you?” I asked dryly.
“Of course we did, honey.” He winked. “What do you think you and your brother are getting for Christmas?”
As Teren and I groaned, it was my mom and dad’s turn to start chuckling.
Their hands laced together and they placed them on the table.
“We’re really happy for you,” Mom said. “That you finally found someone again.”
Under the fondness and absolute trust illuminating out of Mom’s shining eyes, I couldn’t take it anymore. All the guilt carefully tucked away in me came rolling out at once.
All the lies… This was Mom and Dad, who’d been there for me when all the craziness with Eric went down. And I was lying to them like this?
“We’re just glad that you can trust someone again,” Dad squeezed my hand.
I cleared my throat. “Actually….”
Teren shot me a ‘no-don’t-do-it’ look, which was along the same lines of what I was thinking. But it was too late. I knew what I had to do.
“About Xander and I,” I said. I spent a moment trying to figure out how to say it, when I realized there was no way to. No way to explain my mistake in a way they’d understand.
“It’s not what you think,” I said, and then I told them. How we’d accidentally married the first night we’d met. How we were keeping it that way just over Christmas so Xander could keep his family off his back. He we get along ok, but that’s all it was and most likely all it would ever be.
The pleasant smiles on my parents faces lingered, uncomprehending for a few moments until they slid into puzzlement, and then the worst thing of all.
I averted my gaze, but it was too late. I’d seen what was written there on their faces – pity and disappointment.
“But why?” was all my mom could start to say. I was suddenly, stupidly angry – feeling like that time they caught me having broken Great Aunt Betty’s heirloom ceramic lamp.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired of you guys trying to set me up with Reginald and getting on my case about not having healed in enough time and all that crap.” My cheeks flushed. “I know it was wrong to lie. I just….” I searched and didn’t find the words. “I’m sorry.”
I waited, sitting there, waiting for the other shoe to fall. But it didn’t. My parents sat there, and Teren sat there, looking like he’d gladly stab himself with the chicken-carving knife rather than speak. And I sat there, waiting.
Although once Mom finally spoke it was even worse. “I just don’t understand.” Her gaze came up and fixed itself on me. “Why don’t you want to be happy?”
I found myself getting to my feet. “I should go now.”
Rage, despair, annoyance, these responses I could’ve taken. But pity? Condescension?
No, not this time. Not today.
No one argued with me as I left. I walked across the flower-patterned linoleum floor, all the way to the wooden door that I wouldn’t even slam behind me. As I walked out, I noticed two things; that it was raining, and that I didn’t care.
I barely reached my car when Teren’s voice reached me. “Are you crazy?” he hissed.
