Page 29 of Pretend I’m Yours
And I was terrified he didn’t feel the same way.
13
Drake
I finished screwing in the last lightbulb, then I stepped down from the chair. It had been out since the second day after I’d moved in, and I had a feeling Hannah wasn’t the type to climb onto a chair to replace them herself. It was the least I could do for the free room and board and all the perks she was offering me.
Surprisingly, I wanted so much more from Hannah – from the situation – but I knew I had to come to accept the fact that it simply wasn’t meant to be between us. She was way too far out of my league for me to even consider that she might want to be with me, and I wasn’t going to put her in the position of having to tell me that. She was too nice a person to say it out loud.
After debating with myself over how I was going to handle the situation with her, I decided it was best if I were to play the strong, leader of a husband when we were out in public, but when we were in the privacy of her home, I was going to pull back and keep to myself. That’s what my goal was after my divorce anyway, wasn’t it? Keep myself locked away and not let myself fall for anyone again? Hannah made that harder than I’d anticipated though, and the thought brought me a pain in my chest I’d never wanted to feel again. No doubt this wasn’t going to last much longer. With the way she and I were getting out together in public, people in her circle had to be talking. Her ex would find out about our alleged marriage, and he’d get out of her life.
Then, I’d go back to my new life, figuring out where I was going to live, what I’d do for work, and most importantly, how I would move on. Not from the military, not from my ex-wife, but move on from Hannah. I knew that I’d fallen for the girl, and it was going to break my heart when this all came to an end.
But she wasn’t going to know any of that. As far as she’d ever know, I was just someone who was giving her a hand in a rough time, and that was the end of that.
I put the barstool back at the counter and threw away the packaging from changing the bulb, then I took the garbage out and left it by the dumpster before heading back inside. I hadn’t been going out much besides when I was with Hannah. I really didn’t feel like socializing.
It was hard enough facing the fact that our situation was temporary. I didn’t want to make friends I wouldn’t keep when it was over, and I didn’t want to hang out at the places I normally hung out at only to have people I met there find out the truth about what I was doing.
I wasn’t rich, it wasn’t my credit card, and I wasn’t going to spend all of my own money making a show to people right now. I had to save what I could until I was through with the job, then I’d be able to assess how much money I had when it was time for me to find my own place.
Pouring a drink, I sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. There were so many streaming apps for me to choose from, it took me almost as long to find something to watch as it did to change the bulb and get the few things done around the house that I’d accomplished.
But, with the whiskey warming my stomach and easing the tension in my mind, I soon settled in to something mindless and lighthearted. It would take my mind off the seriousness of my situation, and I could live with that.
The door opened and Hannah came breezing in. The rush of fresh air that came through the door with her carried the light scent of her perfume straight to me, and my heart skipped a beat as it filled my nostrils. We’d still not talked about the fact that we’d had sex, and I was getting the strongest impression that it wasn’t going to happen.
Enough time had passed, and we’d seen each other enough now it would be awkward to bring it up, and I didn’t want to put myself in that situation with her. She was so free, so relaxed with her dealings with me, I didn’t want her to think that I was worried about what happened – or worse, that I thought we were going to do it again. Christ, I sounded nothing like the battle-tested military man I was. Hannah had turned me into an emotional train wreck without even meaning to.
