Page 28 of Pretend I’m Yours
“No, nothing like that,” I said quickly. “That’s the problem. I thought we’d be able to live together like this and not have anything happen.”
My voice trailed off and she looked at me with wide eyes. “Anything happen? You had sex? Big deal. I have one night stands all the time. Doesn’t mean that it makes a difference.”
Teisha visibly relaxed and took a bite of her sandwich before shaking her head. “You scared me. For a minute there I thought we were going to have to deal with another version of Brandon while trying to get rid of Brandon.”
I smiled and she stopped. “That’s not what the problem was?”
“Well,” I said, looking away and putting my hand to the back of my neck.
“Hannah!”
“It’s not just that we had sex that’s the problem. It’s the fact that I want to have sex with him again. And again. And then some more. I think that I might have feelings for him,” I suddenly blurted out. I wasn’t sure how else to say it, and once the words started coming, there was no stopping them.
Teisha stared at me for a moment, then she went back to eating her sandwich. I sat, my elbows still on the table, my hands now palm up, waiting for her to say something. She took her time chewing and swallowing the bite, then she simply continued to eat.
“You aren’t going to say anything?” I asked, letting the building frustration show through my tone. “I could really use some advice now that you’ve dragged it out of me.”
“What do you want me to say? That it’s a bad idea for you to fall for this man? That it’s a good idea for you to? Would it make any difference which way I went with it?” she asked.
I paused. She did have a point. I wasn’t sure which would be worse. If she were to tell me that it was a terrible idea, I would have to agree with her. But that wasn’t going to put an end to how I felt about him or the situation, or the anxiety I had about how he felt about me.
On the other hand, if she were to tell me that it was a great idea, then I would be stuck in another way. I wouldn’t know how to talk to him. And, I would be setting myself up for months of misery wondering how he felt about me.
“I guess not,” I said as I sat back. “But that doesn’t help me much when it comes to what I should do.”
“You should do what you think is best,” Teisha said. “I can’t tell you that. I can just tell you that you need to be careful.”
“Duh, I know that,” I said as I took a bite of my sandwich. “I don’t want another Brandon in my life.”
“Neither do I,” Teisha said. “If you want my advice, I think you should talk to him.”
“I know that’s what I should do, but I don’t know how,” I whined. “Why do I always get myself in these situations?”
“Because your life is interesting,” Teisha said as she rose from the table. “I’ve got to get back to work, and from the sounds of things, you better get to studying.”
“Thanks for the sandwich. Sorry I spent the entire time talking about myself,” I said with a sigh. I laid my cheek in my hand and picked at the half sandwich that was still sitting on my plate. Teisha smiled.
“That’s why I’m here for,” she said with a grin. She handed me back my book. “Now you can stare at this while you eat, which is what we both know you wanted to do anyway.”
“Yeah, right,” I said. “You know I love you.”
“And I love you, too, baby girl, which is why I tell you the hard truth,” Teisha said. “Come here, give me a hug.”
I rose and leaned over the table as we gave each other the best hug we could, then Teisha grabbed her purse and headed for her car.
I sat back down with my book, ignoring the bee that was buzzing around my food. My mind had almost immediately gone back to daydreaming about Drake, and I knew Teisha was right. I had to talk to him at some point.
Although I couldn’t shake the fear that was at the back of my mind. If I were to tell him what I really thought about what we did – about him – then there was a chance that he might tell me he didn’t want any of it with me. He might even tell me that he couldn’t help me anymore.
The thought of him leaving the apartment made me feel sick to my stomach, and I sighed, completely unable to concentrate on the book in front of me. It didn’t matter to me anymore whether Brandon was bothering me or not. I wanted Drake. I needed Drake.
