Page 115 of Sing For Us

Same white walls.

Same antiseptic smell.

The same quiet.

But everything feels different.

I see Emin’s room in the distance, and Isa is already waiting outside his room.

No.

No.

No.

I stop running and deliberately take slow steps. Hoping that time is going to slow down and the outcome might change. My throat is hurting, and my eyeballs are already producing tears.

I finally come up to Isa, and his face is unreadable. But I see the solemn look in his eyes.

“What…what…happened?” I’m moving my mouth from side to side; it’s my way of making sure I don’t start screaming.

“I’m so sorry. We did everything we could, but...” He pauses as he composes himself. “Despite the treatment we gave him, he died. We are so sorry for your loss.”

Silence.

Suddenly, I don’t smell the antiseptic anymore, and the ticking of the clock has vanished.

The only thing that remains is the quiet.

I press my mouth into a thin line and widen my eyes. Doing everything to stop the tears. I still don’t believe he is gone.

“How…how…how did it happen?” I need Isa to tell me what happened. Only then will this all be real.

“Over the last few days, we'd been treating the swelling in his brain aggressively. We monitored the pressure continuously, repeated his scans, and adjusted his treatment whenever we saw changes. Early this morning, almost right after you called, his condition deteriorated very quickly.”

“Why?” My mouth is loosening, and I’m blinking fast, especially in my right eye. My heartbeat gets stuck in my throat.

“The injury from the gunshot continued to progress. Although the surgery controlled the bleeding and relieved the pressure we could treat, it couldn't reverse the damage the bullet had already caused. The swelling eventually affected the deepest parts of his brain—the areas responsible for maintaining the body's vital functions.”

Vital functions.

His heart.

His beautiful heart.

“So, his heart stopped?” I’m starting to feel the tears bubbling up, and my breathing is coming in spurts. My fucking ears are ringing, and Isa’s voice is quieting down. I can’t bring myself to listen anymore.

“Yes. He went into cardiac arrest. We began resuscitation immediately, but we weren't able to bring him back. I am so sorry for your loss.”

My loss.

He’s really gone.

My best friend has died.

I bring my hand a couple of times near my mouth to cover it, but I stop every time. I’m not sure where to put them. Over my mouth? Over my heart? After a couple of seconds, I cover my mouth and squeeze my lips.

Stopping the scream that I possibly can’t release.