Page 85 of Mindeater

“These fits should’ve gone away.”

“You’re too emotional.”

“Shame he was born an omega.”

“Weak.”

“I thought they cut this out of him?”

“SAREN!”

It’s such an extreme shock that I think my heart stops beating. My mastery wavers. Two warm hands are cupping my face. “SAREN, STOP!”

No. No. I won’t stop. It hurts. It hurts.

“Please, Saren.” Something equally as warm presses into my cheek. Soft. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m so fucking sorry, Saren.”

No one is ever sorry. That’s the entire point. It’s always been my fault. My fault for being born. My fault for being who I am—always having to change, to mold.

“Are you malleable, boy?”

I don’t even knit anymore. Or paint. Or garden. Or bake.

There’s just this void. A cavernous maw of neon. An emptiness so strong that I can’t breathe. Electric shocks pulse through my limbs. A horrible burning in my lower stomach. I’ve only felt this with Ryx. But he abandoned me. Left me all alone.

“You have to stop, or it’s going to kill us both.”

What?

I can feel my mastery disappearing. Siphoning straight out of my soul. Desperately trying to pull it back, I lash out again. And again. Someone whimpers in pain. It might be me. It might not.

“Fuck you for making me do this.”

Tremors rack my body. I’m using so much energy to keep myself whole when I’m being split in two.

“Open your eyes, Saren.”

The alpha command is unmistakable. A scent I know as well as my own heartbeat floods my nose. My stomach flips. My groin pulses with an unfamiliar heat. I gasp, trying to fight the effects that shouldn’t be possible.

“Open your fucking eyes!”

They fly open. Steel-colored irises are mere inches from my face. Neon blue striations blast through the gunmetal. A large nose with a prominent bump rests between them. Patches of his skin have melted away. Black and teal veins snake up his cheeks and down his neck.

“Stop.”

My knees buckle and then give out entirely. Ryx scoops me into his arms. “We have to go,” he whispers, cradling me to his chest and stumbling through the wreckage.

Much like when I had my first exam in front of the council, I can’t stomach what I’ve done. The entire camp has been destroyed. All those carefully built structures are in ruin. People are either dead or dying. Weak groans of pain or sobs of anguish echo through the sunny afternoon. A fire catches on some wood, smothering the pine tree scent with choking smoke.

I burrow deeper into Ryx’s chest.

A sense of wrongness coils in my mind. I shouldn’t let him carry me or hold me close. I should hurt him just as badly as he hurt me. And yet, I have never in my life felt so safe. The sheer strength he possesses even after taking the brunt of my mastery makes the omega inside me purr. It shouldn’t be possible—to feel so connected with my designation—but I do. I am.

If I allow myself, I could easily become addicted to this feeling. With its taboo nature shoved aside, I can pretend we are just two men in the world. Two souls that fit. And I know how ridiculous it sounds—to wish for it so badly. This place has no room for dreams. And it certainly would crush something as precious as love.

I peer up at Ryx, finding his eyes already on me. It’s a quick glance, but the vulnerability in it shocks me. He regrets. What exactly is yet to be seen. I grab hold of his shirt tighter.

“We’ll go to Hale Valley,” he rasps, clearly struggling.