Page 86 of Mindeater

“I can walk.”

“No.”

“Your face…” I stare at the shorn pieces of his flesh.

“It’s fine, Saren.”

“I wanted to do it,” I admit quietly, my voice the only other sound besides the crunch of his boots. “I wanted to hurt them…and you.”

He’s quiet for long seconds, jaw ticking. “I know.”

“Are you sad? About Levi?”

His eyes flick down to mine again. “He’s not dead. I saw him breathing.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

I let him search my eyes, hoping that he finds what I’m really asking. Do you miss him? Do you love him? Did you really forget me? Is he better than me?

“No, Saren,” he sighs. “Now, be quiet.”

I duck my head to hide the stupid smile on my face.

31

Ryx

Part of me wants to throw Saren on the ground.

When he lost control like that, nearly wiping out an entire camp of people with one blast, I saw my enemy. I saw the creatures that have haunted my nightmares my entire life. Telex are too powerful, not meant for this world. They shouldn’t exist. And while I know not all of them are these mind-eating demons, I couldn’t help but justify everything I have done.

In that moment, I forgot that beneath all of that power is a man. A man who used to be a boy. The very same boy who’d suck his thumb when he thought no one would see and cry himself to sleep. The boy who had no choice in what he was taught or how he lived. I was going to cut him down. The pulse was ready and willing, too. But then I heard him.

And it changed everything.

I’ve had my suspicions for a few days, private ones that I won’t even acknowledge to myself. Could Saren be my bonded? Is that why I’ve been so desperate to find my way back to New Grove? Somewhere deep down, I think I’ve always known he was there. But my memories often betray reality. I sometimes see a woman who might be my mother, but I’ll never know because her face changes all the time.

While I can’t trust some things, I know I can’t ignore this—can’t not believe it.

I heard it with my own fucking ears.

He projected into my mind.

“These fits should’ve gone away.”

“You’re too emotional.”

“Shame he was born an omega.”

“Weak.”

“I thought they cut this out of him?”

“It hurts, it hurts, IT HURTS!”

So, I don’t drop Saren to the floor as much as my fucked up head thinks I should.

I carry him despite the static and discomfort, despite the ache in my entire body from acting as a meat shield to his mastery. I hold him so he will realize that while I have hurt him to the point it’s beyond unforgivable, I don’t think I can keep hurting him. It’s just not who I want to become.