Page 80 of The Lockdown Mann

“I know. Fuck, I know that. I didn’t mean that. You did the right thing. You and Serena both did. You’re a family.” I just…wanted him, wanted to see what could have been between us, but that’s a selfish way of thinking, considering the situation. We were fucking kids, kids who didn’t even live in the same state.

He walks over and holds my chin, turning my head so I’m looking in his eyes. “Who’s Kane, Des?”

I sigh, wishing I hadn’t said any of that, wishing I hadn’t brought up Kane because I always wanted him to stay in the past.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he adds. “But I wish you would.”

How in the fuck do I say no to that? Though I guess it’s not like I could ever say no to anything Oakley wants.

I sigh and sit back down on the bed again. Oakley stands in front of me, naked and beautiful. It takes everything in my power not to get distracted by the gorgeous cock hanging between his legs and how badly I’d like to suck him to hardness a whole lot more than I want to talk about this.

He tilts my head up again, touching me in a way no other lovers ever have, despite how simple it is.

“He’s my ex.” An ex he knows, or at least has heard of, an ex I still see around. “I was with him for two years. He was closeted, though I guess I was too. Mine was more due to the fact that I’d never been in a relationship with a man, and then when I found him, he didn’t want to come out.”

“Two years?” He raises a brow in surprise.

“Yeah. Contrary to what people believe, I can be in a relationship.”

“I’m sorry I said that, and it’s not what I meant right then. I’m just thinking how hard that must have been to keep a secret that long.”

My lungs deflate in a heavy breath. “Yeah. Yeah, it was. I was in love with him…at least, I think I was in love with him. I wanted us to come out, but Kane wasn’t ready. I never wanted to push him, but I wanted people to know what he was to me. I wanted to be something to him out loud, but he told me he wasn’t ready, that he wasn’t sure he would ever be ready. He made me feel like shit for wanting it, and then…then he broke up with me, and two months later, he was very much out publicly and in a relationship with his best friend.”

Oakley’s eyes go wide. I figured it wouldn’t take much for him to put it together. “Kane Bridges? The sports reporter?” The question is very clear in the inflection of his voice.

I nod.

“He had that special where…” Oakley’s words trail off.

They had a very public coming out—a whole TV special about being in love and how it had always been Marcos for him. How he’d spent his whole life waiting for Marcos to be ready, writing off who we were together and what I’d thought we had. I get that he maybe didn’t want to out me, that he couldn’t tell people anything about me, but the way he said it was like I’d never existed, like I hadn’t fucking mattered to him, and I guess I hadn’t.

“Jesus, Des. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I shrug as if it doesn’t matter. “It is what it is. Nothing we can do to change it.”

I try to stand up, but he doesn’t let me, putting his hand on my shoulder and holding me down. “That’s not what this is, what this was. When we were kids, I was young, scared, and going to be a dad. And now…now everything is fucked up because T doesn’t know, and Sanaa has a new diagnosis we’re adjusting to. Ree wasn’t ready to tell her, and I didn’t think I was either, but then you came back into my life, and everything is all twisted up in my head.”

“I don’t want to make things more difficult on you.” That’s never been what I want. I’ve only ever wanted to make things better for Oakley.

“I know, and you do. I needed you in my life again, and if I’m honest with myself, I would have realized I always wanted you in my life. That’s not fair to Serena and makes me feel like a horrible person, but I’ve always had something for you. No matter how hard I try, it won’t go away.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him toward me, pressing my cheek against his stomach, feeling his skin against mine, breathing in the scent of him, trying to figure out if he’s really saying what I think he’s saying. Oakley wants me, really wants me.

“I told you before, I couldn’t have done this with anyone but you, and I meant it—even just hooking up. I found you at sixteen when I needed someone. I found you online this summer, and now you’re here with me too. What are the fucking odds of that? It has to mean something. I know things are fucked up right now, and I know we said it’s about sex, but it’s never only been about sex with you. It’s connection…the kind that doesn’t come around often and one I’ve only ever had with you.”

I look up at him, hands on his hips, heart banging around in my chest. “I want you too. I’ve always fucking wanted you. I’ll always want you, Oak.”

He pushes me down onto my back, then leans over, kissing me, rutting our bodies together while we feed each other the words that have been on our tongues for too long.

I choose you.

I care about you.

I want you.

And for me, I love you.

My dick grows hard against him. I feel his do the same. We don’t stop kissing, don’t stop rubbing our bodies together until we’re both spilling between us, gasping our orgasms into each other’s mouths, full of the same admissions of our kiss.